Thinking for Two

They say women are the most confusing creatures on the planet…but I beg to differ. Men are! There are so many things that my husband, and sometimes even my dad, do that I’m just like WTF?! Due to this fun little gender quirk, I have come to realize that when dealing with men, you have to Think for Two. I love all the men in my life, but sometimes I feel like bashing them over the head with a common sense stick, just so we can properly communicate. I’m sure every woman that reads this blog has somehow experienced this in one way or another.

The most pressing thing about having to think for more than yourself is that you have to also be clairvoyant. Predicting the future is something that you have to master, in order to predict the outcome of what is to become of the situation you’re in. For example, today my husband called me and told me that when he got home on his lunch break, our 80lbs dog greeted him…at the sidewalk! No, we don’t live on a lot of lands where our dog can roam free We live in a residential neighborhood, located in a city. So this means that our 80lb dog was sitting alone in our driveway for 4 f*cking hours. Now I know you are probably asking yourselves “what does that have to do with being clairvoyant?” well let me explain.  My husband left the house AFTER I did. That means that he was the last person to have seen the dog. Now if I were clairvoyant, I could have been able to tell him to make sure the dog is INSIDE the house, and not out front. However, I can’t see into or predict the future, therefore I can  NOT answer your questions about how the dog is outside…but I can tell you who did it. Logic dictates that it’s the LAST PERSON TO LEAVE THE HOUSE!!!

Some of the sh*t that happens in my life with men is mind-boggling. It is not fair that I have to make sure to think for the both of us, in order to save me some time and irritation. Speaking of irritation, that is the catch 22 of all this. As women, if we do NOT think for our men, then they get mad when some sh*t they wanna do doesn’t work out. How can you get mad at me for something you did or didn’t do? Makes no f*cking sense. Or on the other hand, if we DO help them, and somehow it doesn’t go right or not how they THOUGHT it would go…they still get mad. I swear it’s the biggest crock of bullsh*t ever. 

Well, that is my little rant for the time being. Just had to get that off my chest. What are your thoughts on the Thinking For Two concept? Let me know in the comments below. 

 

*Toodles*

Baby #2

First off let me preface this by saying NO…I am NOT preggo. I don’t plan on letting my husband put his fruit in my loom until next year. However, I can admit that I have a more than slight case of baby fever…and it’s because everyone and they momma are currently knocked up! LOL. I swear every time I turn around someone I know is pregnant, or I’m running into a stranger that is pregnant. It is starting to get scary, almost like pregnancy is following me waiting on its chance to pounce LOL.

Even though what I just said is true, I have definitely had some hang ups regarding Baby #2. I’m sure that every first time mom (technically I am still a first time mom as I only have 1 human at the moment) has her hangups about when to have another kid or if you should. My hang up is that yes I want to have another one, but I am not sure if im ready.

The reason I want to have another kid is because I don’t want my little dude to be an only child. I am an only child, and although I loved it, there are some pros to having siblings. The main pro to having a sibling in my opinion is that there is always someone there for you. Yes my family is most definitely there for me, and SOME of my cousins and I are like brothers and sisters (and some I want to beat up like a stranger LOL), but I can see the difference that having a sibling makes when I look at those with siblings. I want that for Bubba.

The reason I am unsure if I am ready is because I have the possibility of having TWINS! Yup…you read that right, TWINS! That’s bullsh*t I know. It’s my mother’s fault, as she is a twin and twins run in our family, but that doesn’t make me any more willing and ready to have 2 humans at one time. I am 5’3” on a very straight spine kinda day, and I don’t know where the f*ck twins would fit in me! I assume that one kid would be in my belly…and the other would be in my soul, as that is the only space left for them. LOL. Not to mention that Bubba was a big baby, 8lbs, and I can’t see myself having two more of those big babies at the same time. It;s too much!

The craziest part of all this is that I have been having dreams that I was preggo with twins or triplets! *shivers in horror* I just know that I am gonna be the one in the family who has twins. I can feel it in my bones, and I am NOT ready! (I don’t really think anyone is ever ready for twins, but you get what I mean.) Mentally and physically I am unprepared for holding 2 lives in my belly, but I feel like it’s gonna happen to me. F*ckin sucks dude…but hopefully I have 2 more boys, as I am even more unprepared to have a mini me!

Well that is my issue with Baby #2. If you can relate or have something you would like to share with me, feel free to leave it in the comments below.

 

*Toodles*

Baby Hair Hassles

Lately my son’s hair has been a big issue in our household. My husband isn’t ready for him to get a haircut, and he doesn’t always agree with what I decide to do. Bubba has really curly and soft hair, and yes I agree he isn’t ready for a full barber taper and line up. But he is ready for a trim to even things out…even if my husband doesn’t agree. Unfortunately I can’t take him to get a trim without him, because that would be super f*cked up, and I would be forced to kill him if he took my baby boy to get his first haircut without me. 

So to deal with his wild and unruly hair, I have started to put his hair in man buns, and two cornrows. The man bun is adorable on him, and the cornrows are as well. The only problem is that I personally can’t braid his hair, so his daycare provider does it…but I got the man bun down to a science. lol. Here is what my cutie booties two styles look like. The Braids were fresh and the man but wasnt as crisp as it could be because, was bedtime, but you get the picture. 

*If you’re wondering why i blurred my babies face, it’s because he’s too young to be on the internet like that. Agree or disagree that’s just how I feel as his mom.*

My husband is okay with both of these styles, although it was like pulling teeth to get him to agree to do them, but there is another problem. When it comes to doing hair, Bubba hates when we touch his hair! He will fuss and fake cry until its done…but once it’s done has the audacity to go stare at himself in the mirror and try to kiss himself. LOL. It is so annoying and so cute at the same time. Now I don’t know why he doesn’t like us to do his hair, but anyone else can, but that is just how it is. And if you are wondering if maybe he’s tender-headed…he’s not! He just likes to give me a hard time.

So here’s what I need to know, from anyone who reads this and has a little one who doesn’t like to get their hair done by their own parent. What do you do to get them to sit still for long enough to do it? I am open to any advice on this matter. I have tried the iPad and TV, but he still tries to run from me or is constantly turning his head. Am i doomed to have to fight with him for all eternity? Or is there a solution? HELP!!!! Leave and any all advice in the comments below…and comments on your kids Hair Hassles are welcome too.

 

*Toodles*

Woman Swap

Recently I was talking to one of my good friends, who is also married with babies, and we were discussing a friend of hers. This friend is also married with babies, but she is NOTHING like we are. She is a wife and a mom that is soooooo…ugh. Yes I know that “ugh” does not explain what I mean in, but I’m sure you get the implied meaning. Due to her being “ugh,” I came to the realization that I want to do a Woman Swap. Here’s the catch though…my woman swap will be me taking in another wife, and helping her learn not to be “ugh.” Now if you are wondering what makes me think that I have the authority to do this…it’s because I’m the sh*t. LOL. No but seriously (I am not discrediting the I am the sh*t…because I am), I feel that I’m qualified because my husband and all his friends always use me as the go to fixer. I am the Olivia Pope (yes that’s a Scandal reference) of relationships in my world. Always trying to help the men understand their women, and the women get a f*ckin grip. Due to this, I have decided to list some things that I have had to help or encourage some change on. Enjoy.

  • The Phone: Ladies…keep your asses out of your mans phone! I know that seems crazy to say coming from another woman, but if you have a reason to go hunting through the phone, then you need to be in his face and not on his phone. When you go searching you are for sure gonna find something. It can be actually bad, or in some cases, out of context…and then you have just created issues in your marriage. Basically all I’m saying is that if you suspect something, don’t snoop. Observe, remember, and pounce. 
  • Checking Out Other Women: All men have eyes. Just because he’s with you doesn’t mean that his ass has suddenly gone blind. A bad b*tch is a bad b*tch no matter who sees her. Worry more about how your man is looking at you rather than him looking at other women. If he stops looking at you buts is constantly looking at other women…then you can worry. Until let him look at what he can’t touch without getting cut. Oh and for the record…you noticed that woman too…quit playing like you didn’t.
  • Going Out, Without You: I encourage my husband to have boys nights. Why? Because when he has boys nights…I have ALONE TIME! Both of us need to recharge, and sometimes being alone or out with the guys is the best way to do that. You do not need to be up under your man all the time. Y’all were two different people before getting together, and you are still two people. Not everything you do has to be done together. Let that man go out and vent to his boys and get his mind in check. Men who don’t go out are in the house looking for an out….and that leads to you checking his phone. Oh and for the record…the stripclub is not a bad place for him to go. It’s just another place for him to look at other women. 
  • The Once Upon A Cheater: OK so your man cheated on you once upon a time, but you took him back. But now you have trust issues right? I hate to tell you this sugar tits…but either you are gonna get over that sh*t and start building up your trust in your man and relationship, or you are gonna let that sh*t go. You cannot be happy one minute and mistrusting the next for the rest of y’all lives. That is emotional whiplash for you and him. Make a choice and stick to it. Being wishy-washy and acting crazy and judgmental all the time is not gon keep yo man. You made the decision to stay, so either play or pass.
  • SEX: Remember, what you wont do another woman will. I am not saying doing anything that you are truly uncomfortable with, but you should experiment with your man. As women we alllllll know that men watch porn, and porn breeds crazy ass fantasies and imaginations. Try some of the things out and even try out some things you may think of. Experimentation in relationships is never a bad thing. It can only bring you closer. Either you will both get a good laugh out of all of this, or it will be a great experience that you both enjoy. Being a prude and basic in the bedroom is never good for a relationship. I’m not saying that your spouse will cheat, but I am saying that they will get bored. 
  • Attitude: You’re a woman. Having an attitude from time to time is practically ingrained in our DNA. However, having an attitude with your man all the time…is ridiculous. You should not be mad at your man all the damn time. Yes they are irritating as f*ck sometimes…and make you contemplate how to get away with murder, but always being mad is unhealthy. Nobody wants a bitter woman, and I do mean nobody. I don’t even like hanging with women who I feel are bitter. It’s exhausting. If you have a problem with your spouse…speak the hell up! Don’t sit and let it fester until you blow up or end up getting left because of your stank ass attitude. There have been many women in this world who ended up single due to their bad attitude…don’t join that club.
  • Friends: Everyone has that one friend that their man doesn’t like. It’s fact. Now just because they don’t like them, doesn’t mean that you guys still can’t be friends. But what it does mean, is that you have to respect his opinion. Do not constantly have that one person you know your man doesn’t like around. That is just rude. You need to respect his opinions and feelings the same way he does yours. No need to get into a fight over something as dumb as someone else. You and him are in a relationship, not you, him, and your friend.
  • Money: This one is real simple. Don’t let money make your relationship. It doesn’t matter who makes what or how much. What matters is that the bills are paid and that you are both living comfortably…within your means. You don’t need his permission to spend money, and he doesn’t need yours. But…if there is a big-ticket item, aka anything over $300, that does need to be discussed. Neither one of you can make some lavish purchase without consulting the other first. Now obviously this excludes gifts for each other. Yes that seems crazy, and somewhat hypocritical, but if you are doing something nice or special for your honey…that’s ok. I’m sure they would understand, unless they explicitly told you otherwise.

Well those are all situations that I have helped other women through. This advice isn’t just limited to other wives, it is to all women in relationships. Let’s do better by being better ladies…that’s all I’m saying. 

Is there anything you want my opinion on? Is there any situation you want to share where you were the Olivia Pope of relationships? Just have something you want to say? If so let me know in the comments below?

 

*Toodles*

The Romance Quandry

Yesterday my husband and I were relaxing on the couch watching a movie, when I just randomly kissed him. The baby was sleep, so our innocent smooch turned into a teenage make-out session. It was fun, sexy, and sweet, until he spoke. What he said wasnt rude or hurtful, but it definitely got me thinking. After we were done he said “we haven’t done that since we were dating.” I was literally shocked. Keep in mind that we have been together for 9 years, and married for almost 4…so when he said this I was definitely taken aback. That got me thinking…had we been lacking in the romance department since getting married? Was it me or was it him? How do I fix this? So in an effort to help myself figure this out…I will share with everyone who reads this (hopefully there are still people who do lol), in order to work things out. Maybe it will even help you too.

We we were dating things were always kind hot and heavy. I mean it comes with the territory of being boyfriend and girlfriend, as well as being young and in college. Everything was fun and sporadic, and the responsibility level was low. (By that I mean in reference to being a student not being irresponsible sexually…neither of us were about that life lol) When we got engaged that just enhanced the hot and heavy. Something about knowing that someone wants you forever is super sexy I guess. And this hot and heaviness carried over into our first years of marriage as well…but now that I think about it, it started to die down around the time that we both got into our careers.

Transitioning from a dating college couple, to a married fresh out of college couple was easy enough…until jobs got in the way. We no longer had the same amount of free time that we once had. We had real life adult responsibilities that we didn’t completely have before such as paying bills and monitoring our time more effectively. There is no being late to work like we were for class on occasion, or just deciding not to go. No we had to get straight to adulting and making responsible choices. In the mist of all this I think we lost a portion of our fire, but not all of it. This was all due to timing and learning how to manage our new reality. Well then two years in…we get pregnant. Yes, this was a joyous thing and we were both excited, if not a little shocked because I was definitively on birth control lol, and thus another romance change was upon us.

Getting pregnant and having a baby changed a lot for us. I am in no ways saying that we didn’t get it on whilst my eggo was preggo, or that we weren’t romantic. We definitely did both, and he made me feel desired and sexy, even when I was accidentally peeing on myself or vomiting due to morning sickness. However once Bubs was here, things changed. We had even more on our plates, even though I wasnt working, and apart of that was the inclusion of me having a c-section. I can honestly say that having the c-section messed up my perception of myself, as I felt as though my body was ruined due to it. I don’t regret having the c-section because it gave me thee most perfect child ever, but it was hard to accept for me as a woman more so than me as a mom. Now that I have had time to talk to other moms my age and older, and deal with this, I realize that my body is not ruined it’s just not what im use to. It’s the same lovely in a different sized/shaped packing…but no matter what I am #sizesexy. 

Through all of theses changes, my husband and I started getting less and less lovey dovey I guess. I mean outside looking in you can see how often we touch each other or give kisses, but it wasnt like when we were dating. when we were dating it was like can’t keep your hands to yourself type stuff. I don’t know if that was because we were younger and more excited about being in a healthy and productive relationship that contributed to this, but now that I am looking back at it…I can see there was a difference. I miss that sh*t too. So in an effort to add some flames to our still burning fire…I have decided that I want to date my husband. Yup you read that right. I want to date my husband.

What this means is that I am going to use every opportunity that is available to me to kiss and low-key molest him in public lol. I will not worry about if the baby is awake or asleep, I will just make sure he can’t see the super inappropriate stuff. I can no longer let other outside factors interfere with my relationship like this. It isn’t that its bad, but i have come to realize that I have neglected my own libido…and that’s not f*ckin cool at all. I will now make a conscious effort to not always think with mom brain or adult brain, and just allow myself to think with my lower lady lips more often. Whats wrong with letting the love below lead you every once and awhile? Especially if it’s with your husband or significant other. You don’t have to pass the cookie around to use the jar if ya know what i mean. lol. 

Have you realized that your love life has lost some of its sizzle? Wanna talk about it? Feel free to leave it in the comments below.

 

*Toodles*

TF Thursday

Today I am in a bit of a mood. I am annoyed/irritated with so many things in my life right now, that its amazing I haven’t snapped. And no I am not talking about the ending up on WE TV kind of snapped…I’m talking about going on a rampage and cursing everyone one out type snapped. In an effort not to do this, I have decided to just vent here. So strap on your seat belts and shield your virgin eyes and reading ears…because sh*t is about to get real.

LIST OF CURRENT IRRITANTS

  1. When TF did we stop asking the lady of the house is sh*t was ok? Last time I checked all things should be run by the woman of the house to ensure she is comfortable with it. Yes the man of the house has a say…but his say ain’t the only one!
  2. Where TF all my wine? It’s one thing to drink 1 bottle, but 5?! And not to mention I haven’t got a drop of any of them. That’s just rude.
  3. Why is my house the “kick it” spot? Yes, I do live in a house I own, and not an apartment…but that does not automatically make my house the hang out spot. Take y’all asses elsewhere. 2 days are cool, but after that its excessive and intrusive.
  4. When did it become ok to eat all the food in my house? Yes you are visiting, but that doesn’t mean I’m feeding everyone who drops by. Those leftovers were supposed to be my lunch for work…but now I don’t have sh*t because everyone and they mama is eating my f*ckin food.
  5. Why TF don’t y’all have something better to do? I have a whole ass family that I love and live with and don’t want to see you everyday. Yes I know your bored…but there are other things you could do. Figure it out!
  6. Why TF do people have to be shady?! Just keep it real and stop trying to hide and get over on people. Karma is a bitch and you’re gonna get yours sooner rather than later. You tried to screw the wrong f*ckin one buddy. It’s on!
  7. Why TF do I feel like sh*t and I started my TOM early? It is so monumentally f*cked up that I am irritated by all of these outside factors, and then my body turns on me. C’mon dude! 
  8. When TF is the weather going to change so that I can be outside until the wee hours, gathering my calm and patience, without being cold?! I need the weather to get it together so that I can too.

Well there you have it folks. My lit of the most recent and frustrating irritants to date. I hope everyone else’s last week or so have gone better than mine or get better than mine…and i hope mine does too. Oh and feel free to vent in the comments below if you need to.

 

*Toodles*

Adult Jealousy

I have come to realize that once you reach adulthood, jealousy comes about. Now keep in mind that this jealousy is actually for functioning adults in society, and not the peter pans of the world who don’t want to grow up or get their sh*t together. Nope….those assholes don’t even remotely count because they don’t struggle like we do. This week I have come to realize that I am jealous of both my husband, and my former self. This sounds crazy af…but stick with me.

My husband is a teacher, which means he gets all the holidays and vacations known to man. My former self was a stay at home mommy, and a student. With both of those I had summers and vacations, already pre-made into my schedule. Now that I have a real adult job, I don’t get that. I just realized how bad this sucks, because my husband is currently on spring break. 

While he is at home relaxing and sleeping in, I am at work and adulting. The baby (who is now 2) is at school all day, so he literally has time to himself. I am so f*ckin jealous that he not only has a break, but that he has legit time to himself. Yes he can clean the house or run errands and do sh*t like that…but all of that is a choice. It can be done on his time, and take as long as he needs. (That is until I get home…it should be done before then lol)

I miss having breaks and vacations that I didn’t have to put in time for. Teachers and students have it f*cking made! They are living in the lap of vacation luxury! What I wouldn’t give to know that I had a whole month+ of freedom twice a year with week long breaks in between. I really took all that sh*t for granted when I had it, and for that I would like to apologize to my younger self. Lol.

Long story short, adult jealousy, in my case, is being jealous of those younger than me, or those with better holiday schedules than me. I don’t care about people who have fancy things or are constantly flaunting sh*t on social media. That is frivolous bs that has nothing to do with nothing. However, for those who are able to take looong vacations and spontaneous trips, because they can and not because they saved up time to do so, I am for sure jealous of them. I remember how nice that was, and therefore my jealousy is completely justified lol.

Oh and I would like to tell those people who I am jealous of, my husband included, that you suck! You can’t ever complain about anything work related, as you know that you will have a break from it on various times throughout the year. Quit complaining and enjoy your freedom. Before you know it, you will have to be like me and really adult. PTO is great…but that has to be pre-planned waaaay in advance, and having to request and save time takes out a lot of the excitement from it. Putting it simply…I just want to be irresponsible and still get my vacation. One can dream.

Do you have a case of Adult Jealousy? If so, what causes it? Let me know in the comments below.

 

*Toodles*