Wife Wednesday: Support System Shutdown

Have you ever thought to yourself “damn I don’t wanna do this sh*t”? If you’re a wife or a spouse in general…I’m sure you have. Sometimes I hate having to be supportive. That’s right…I said it! And don’t get judgy on me my dear because you were thinking it or have thought it! In feeling this way, I have come to realize that if we as wives/spouses were to EVER decided we were over being supportive…sh*t would get real. Here is my theory.

My husband is a JC Football coach. He does football 6 days a week. This means that I am the support system for football…for 6 days a week. This support includes but is not limited to:

  • Going to games
  • Occasionally going to practice
  • Commenting on games and practice (which means actually paying attention)
  • Dealing with him being out late on work weeks (and by late I mean 8/9pm)
  • Having to fit in “US” time around his schedule (he does film analysis at home too)
  • Having to fit in “ME” time around his schedule (and yes I think that’s some f*ckery)
  • Trying to plan family things around games and practice
  • Dealing with my son constantly asking “where daddy mommy” or “I want my daddy.”

The list of things goes on and on, but those are the primary support needs of my husband and his football life. I love my husband. I love football. I love that he loves coaching football. However…I do not love having to adjust my whole f*cking life around his love just so that I can be supportive! Let me tell you about my dream.

My dream is that my husband, who is very supportive of me, will be supportive of me not wanting to support him. Or better yet be, be supportive of me wanting to do things JUST FOR ME more often. Now please don’t misinterpret this as me saying my husband is selfish, he is definitely NOT that. But what I am saying is that men tend to get way more wrapped up in what they want to do, that they don’t realize their other half isn’t getting to do things for them as often.I want to be able to go out with the girls on a

I want to be able to go out with the girls on short notice WITHOUT having to arrange things with him or for the baby. I find that it is easier for my husband to go out and do what he wants to do at the last-minute than it is for me to do it. He just automatically assumes that I will handle everything because he knows I’m his support system. To that I say bullsh*t! I am tired of being the go to and the fallback plan. I wanna be the spur of the moment one in my marriage. And I’m not asking for much. just a week to a month of me not having to worry about all the details or scheduling and just do/go. But alas… I know that probably won’t happen, as I have already set a precedent in my relationship that I am the support system. what the f*ck was I thinking? LOL

Are you the support system for your spouse? Are you tired of it? Feel free to leave why you are, or in some cases maybe aren’t, tired of it in the comments below.

 

*Toodles* 

Thinking for Two

They say women are the most confusing creatures on the planet…but I beg to differ. Men are! There are so many things that my husband, and sometimes even my dad, do that I’m just like WTF?! Due to this fun little gender quirk, I have come to realize that when dealing with men, you have to Think for Two. I love all the men in my life, but sometimes I feel like bashing them over the head with a common sense stick, just so we can properly communicate. I’m sure every woman that reads this blog has somehow experienced this in one way or another.

The most pressing thing about having to think for more than yourself is that you have to also be clairvoyant. Predicting the future is something that you have to master, in order to predict the outcome of what is to become of the situation you’re in. For example, today my husband called me and told me that when he got home on his lunch break, our 80lbs dog greeted him…at the sidewalk! No, we don’t live on a lot of lands where our dog can roam free We live in a residential neighborhood, located in a city. So this means that our 80lb dog was sitting alone in our driveway for 4 f*cking hours. Now I know you are probably asking yourselves “what does that have to do with being clairvoyant?” well let me explain.  My husband left the house AFTER I did. That means that he was the last person to have seen the dog. Now if I were clairvoyant, I could have been able to tell him to make sure the dog is INSIDE the house, and not out front. However, I can’t see into or predict the future, therefore I can  NOT answer your questions about how the dog is outside…but I can tell you who did it. Logic dictates that it’s the LAST PERSON TO LEAVE THE HOUSE!!!

Some of the sh*t that happens in my life with men is mind-boggling. It is not fair that I have to make sure to think for the both of us, in order to save me some time and irritation. Speaking of irritation, that is the catch 22 of all this. As women, if we do NOT think for our men, then they get mad when some sh*t they wanna do doesn’t work out. How can you get mad at me for something you did or didn’t do? Makes no f*cking sense. Or on the other hand, if we DO help them, and somehow it doesn’t go right or not how they THOUGHT it would go…they still get mad. I swear it’s the biggest crock of bullsh*t ever. 

Well, that is my little rant for the time being. Just had to get that off my chest. What are your thoughts on the Thinking For Two concept? Let me know in the comments below. 

 

*Toodles*

Ailments of Working Wife/Mom

Below you will find a list of some of the ailments I have as a  working wife and mom. I’m sure some of you other mamas, and maybe some dads, have these too. Enjoy.

  • Zombieidis: This is when you are so tired and physically exhausted, but somehow manage to still be alive and functioning. Many moms experience this when at work or at the store. If you’ve aver asked yourself “how the f*ck did I get here” or “what the hell was I doing again?,” you have suffered from Zombieidis.

 

  • Cleanupitis: We’ve all been there before. When you’ve cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned again but somehow the house is still a mess. I know your probably thinking this has something to do with obsessively cleaning…and you would be wrong. Cleanupitis is when you are so f*cking fed up with cleaning…that you completely stop giving a sh*t what your house looks like.  It is a chronic disease which can lead to fights, tears, sadness, and the potential arson investigation…as you would rather burn down your house then pick up after one more f*cking person.

 

  • Cuisineaphobia: Do you really have to eat to survive? Better yet do you really have to cook your own food every night to survive. Sadly…you do, esp if you don’t want to go broke eating out. Cuisineaphobia is the fear of having to figure out what to cook…every time you cook. It is hard enough having to stand in front of the stove to cook, but add that to having to clean, work, and still suffering from zombieidis…you my dear are in a horrible situation. You will most likely end up making spaghetti, tacos, or telling everyone in your house that you’re not feeling well and go to bed hungry. 
  • Travelphobia: Why do I have to pack so much sh*t to make one trip? Do I really even need all this? Yes, I need all this “just in case.” This is a conversation every parent and woman has had with themselves when it comes time to travel. You get so paranoid that you’re going to leave something that you MAY need, that you leave something that you DO need. Don’t believe me…think about your last trip. You had everything you THOUGHT you needed and forgot one of these items: 
    • Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Deodorant, Razor, or Soap (I know I’m right and that it’s happened to you at least once lol)

There will be more Ailments coming in future posts. Stay tuned…and feel free to comment, like, or share.

 

*Toodles*

Baby #2

First off let me preface this by saying NO…I am NOT preggo. I don’t plan on letting my husband put his fruit in my loom until next year. However, I can admit that I have a more than slight case of baby fever…and it’s because everyone and they momma are currently knocked up! LOL. I swear every time I turn around someone I know is pregnant, or I’m running into a stranger that is pregnant. It is starting to get scary, almost like pregnancy is following me waiting on its chance to pounce LOL.

Even though what I just said is true, I have definitely had some hang ups regarding Baby #2. I’m sure that every first time mom (technically I am still a first time mom as I only have 1 human at the moment) has her hangups about when to have another kid or if you should. My hang up is that yes I want to have another one, but I am not sure if im ready.

The reason I want to have another kid is because I don’t want my little dude to be an only child. I am an only child, and although I loved it, there are some pros to having siblings. The main pro to having a sibling in my opinion is that there is always someone there for you. Yes my family is most definitely there for me, and SOME of my cousins and I are like brothers and sisters (and some I want to beat up like a stranger LOL), but I can see the difference that having a sibling makes when I look at those with siblings. I want that for Bubba.

The reason I am unsure if I am ready is because I have the possibility of having TWINS! Yup…you read that right, TWINS! That’s bullsh*t I know. It’s my mother’s fault, as she is a twin and twins run in our family, but that doesn’t make me any more willing and ready to have 2 humans at one time. I am 5’3” on a very straight spine kinda day, and I don’t know where the f*ck twins would fit in me! I assume that one kid would be in my belly…and the other would be in my soul, as that is the only space left for them. LOL. Not to mention that Bubba was a big baby, 8lbs, and I can’t see myself having two more of those big babies at the same time. It;s too much!

The craziest part of all this is that I have been having dreams that I was preggo with twins or triplets! *shivers in horror* I just know that I am gonna be the one in the family who has twins. I can feel it in my bones, and I am NOT ready! (I don’t really think anyone is ever ready for twins, but you get what I mean.) Mentally and physically I am unprepared for holding 2 lives in my belly, but I feel like it’s gonna happen to me. F*ckin sucks dude…but hopefully I have 2 more boys, as I am even more unprepared to have a mini me!

Well that is my issue with Baby #2. If you can relate or have something you would like to share with me, feel free to leave it in the comments below.

 

*Toodles*

Baby Hair Hassles

Lately my son’s hair has been a big issue in our household. My husband isn’t ready for him to get a haircut, and he doesn’t always agree with what I decide to do. Bubba has really curly and soft hair, and yes I agree he isn’t ready for a full barber taper and line up. But he is ready for a trim to even things out…even if my husband doesn’t agree. Unfortunately I can’t take him to get a trim without him, because that would be super f*cked up, and I would be forced to kill him if he took my baby boy to get his first haircut without me. 

So to deal with his wild and unruly hair, I have started to put his hair in man buns, and two cornrows. The man bun is adorable on him, and the cornrows are as well. The only problem is that I personally can’t braid his hair, so his daycare provider does it…but I got the man bun down to a science. lol. Here is what my cutie booties two styles look like. The Braids were fresh and the man but wasnt as crisp as it could be because, was bedtime, but you get the picture. 

*If you’re wondering why i blurred my babies face, it’s because he’s too young to be on the internet like that. Agree or disagree that’s just how I feel as his mom.*

My husband is okay with both of these styles, although it was like pulling teeth to get him to agree to do them, but there is another problem. When it comes to doing hair, Bubba hates when we touch his hair! He will fuss and fake cry until its done…but once it’s done has the audacity to go stare at himself in the mirror and try to kiss himself. LOL. It is so annoying and so cute at the same time. Now I don’t know why he doesn’t like us to do his hair, but anyone else can, but that is just how it is. And if you are wondering if maybe he’s tender-headed…he’s not! He just likes to give me a hard time.

So here’s what I need to know, from anyone who reads this and has a little one who doesn’t like to get their hair done by their own parent. What do you do to get them to sit still for long enough to do it? I am open to any advice on this matter. I have tried the iPad and TV, but he still tries to run from me or is constantly turning his head. Am i doomed to have to fight with him for all eternity? Or is there a solution? HELP!!!! Leave and any all advice in the comments below…and comments on your kids Hair Hassles are welcome too.

 

*Toodles*

Mommy “Bad Words”

My son is now 2 years old, and has a full-blown personality. I love how smart and verbal he is (he can now make 6 word sentences and JUST turned 2 on the 7th of this month), but sometimes the verbal side has me ready to pounce on my own baby. And if you think that last statement is crazy or inappropriate…then this isn’t the blog for you. Any good parent knows that sometimes you contemplate crazy sh*t regarding your kids, and that although you love them…you don’t always like them lol. But back to the topic at hand. There are some words that I have come to consider “bad  words.”  Keep in mind that they are normal, everyday words, but I swear sometimes when my son says them it feels like a curse word. LOL. Here is a list of my Mommy “Bad Words,” and my mental translation of them lol.

  • “NO!”: When my son says no with a certain tone and volume in his voice I don’t hear “on.” What I hear is “f*ck no!” This word is only ok when whispered or whined.
  • “WHY?!”: I hate being questioned by adults, so having a little human do it is sometimes so irritating. Especially when they say it with an attitude. With that attitude “why” sounds like “why…don’t you just do it.” Don’t get rude little boy.
  • “PLEASE!” (after being said for the 10th time in a row): I love that my kid has manners, and I demand he uses them, but after I have said no, and he keeps saying please…I’m over it. It goes from sounding like please to “just let me f*cking do it/give it to me already.” Please is only cute for so long.
  • “DORY/MATER?”: These are 2 of my sons favorite movies. We have watched them on repeat so many times that I could die happy without ever hearing another line from them. However when he utters these two names…I feel like he’s telling me “it’s time for me to get on your nerves mommy.” Not cool little baby…not cool.
  • “EAT, EAT!”: I feed my kid. I promise I do. But you would think that he never eats the way he acts sometimes. He is a 30lb 2-year-old, so obviously I’m doing something right. But when he gets hungry “eat, eat” tends to sound like “hurry up and feed me damnit!” Little pushy punk.
  • Boob Boo”: This one is self-explanatory. How dare you sh*t yourself and then calmly come to me like I am the designated pooper scooper. It’s not ok! Tell me before so that I can put you on the toilet and you can take a proper poop. Telling me you booboo’d after the fact is basically saying “clean this sh*t up mommy,” with a smile. F*ck that!

Yup! Those are the Mommy “Bad Words” in my house. Every time I hear them I end up feeling some type of way, but my love for my son allows me to push through. LOL. Are there any “bad words” in your house? Have something to say about his post. If so let me know in the comments below.

 

*Toodles*

Woman Wednesday: Boyfriend Blowoff

I received a question from one of my followers (shout out to you for following and asking btw) and I felt like it was a good blog topic for Woman Wednesday. Here is her question:

How can I get my friend back?! I have a 2 really good friends I’ve met in grad school (people would call us the three musketeers). Recently one of the members of our squad got into a serious relationship… she basically just forgot all about us! We’ve met her boyfriend (they have a long history with each other), but he doesn’t seem to take a liking to us. We want her to realize that he is taking up all of her life. How can we get her back, and still be happy in her relationship. We don’t want to seem like we’re hating on her and her man. Help us Ms. Pope!

Ok so first things first. It’s good that you have tried to figure out a way to talk to her before actually approaching her. That could be all bad, as you would be going off emotion only and inevitably end up in some sort of awkward or angry exchange. You don’t want to lose a friend over a boy…ever. The first thing I would suggest is evaluating your friendship with this girl. This may sound harsh but not all friendships are forever, and if she can drop your guys to the side that easily you may want to reevaluate. If you choose to go through with this then here is my thoughts on the situation.

Some women have a tendency to get wrapped up in their relationships. So much so that they forget who they are and lose themselves in their partner. To me, this is crazy, but it happens very often. What you have to realize is that women like your friend are searching for something that you can’t give her, and neither can a man, but he can work as a filler. She is looking for a purpose or a feeling that only she can create, but a man is a good distraction for that. He is in some way validating what she is unsure/insecure about. As unfortunate as that is, it isn’t something that you can change for or about her. 

What you need to do for her is point out how you don’t ever see her any more and that when you do it seems to be because her dude is busy or away. That goes to show that there is a disconnect somewhere in her life where she doesn’t do the things she use to do because she is in a relationship. You should also let her know that you guys miss her, and just because she is no longer single, doesn’t mean that she can’t kick it with y’all anymore. Do not say anything negative about her dude or her choices! “I” statements will work best here so she can try to see things from your perspective. If you guys are getting through to her, she will apologize and make a conscious effort to spend more time with you guys. If you are not getting through to her…she will probably tell you something along the lines of “you guys just don’t understand,” or some simple-minded sh*t like. Then feel free to remind her that just because you are not currently in a relationship, doesn’t mean you haven’t been and therefore don’t understand. Her relationship just isn’t that special…no one’s is.

Now to this little boy who doesn’t like who guys. He don’t have to like you and you don’t have to like him. As long as there is mutual respect of one another for the mutual parties sake. And it sounds to me like he may not like you guys because you take her away from him, and if that’s the case…she has a bigger problem than shunning her friends. You don’t have to interact with him, just be cordial and keep it pushing. Y’all don’t have to be friends with him to be her friend. But if you like, you could offer to go out to grab something to eat and have him there as well and see what his problem with you guys is in front of her. No need to be hostile or combative, just use the “I” statement method. No matter what you guys will come out looking like you are just feeling some type of way about the situation of not seeing her, and not about her having a sh*tty and all-consuming relationship.

I hope what I have said helped you, and any other person who has a friend like yours.

If you have any more questions, need clarification, or just wanna add some sh*t about this…feel free to leave it in the comments below.

*Toodles*