Recently I was talking to one of my good friends, who is also married with babies, and we were discussing a friend of hers. This friend is also married with babies, but she is NOTHING like we are. She is a wife and a mom that is soooooo…ugh. Yes I know that “ugh” does not explain what I mean in, but I’m sure you get the implied meaning. Due to her being “ugh,” I came to the realization that I want to do a Woman Swap. Here’s the catch though…my woman swap will be me taking in another wife, and helping her learn not to be “ugh.” Now if you are wondering what makes me think that I have the authority to do this…it’s because I’m the sh*t. LOL. No but seriously (I am not discrediting the I am the sh*t…because I am), I feel that I’m qualified because my husband and all his friends always use me as the go to fixer. I am the Olivia Pope (yes that’s a Scandal reference) of relationships in my world. Always trying to help the men understand their women, and the women get a f*ckin grip. Due to this, I have decided to list some things that I have had to help or encourage some change on. Enjoy.
- The Phone: Ladies…keep your asses out of your mans phone! I know that seems crazy to say coming from another woman, but if you have a reason to go hunting through the phone, then you need to be in his face and not on his phone. When you go searching you are for sure gonna find something. It can be actually bad, or in some cases, out of context…and then you have just created issues in your marriage. Basically all I’m saying is that if you suspect something, don’t snoop. Observe, remember, and pounce.
- Checking Out Other Women: All men have eyes. Just because he’s with you doesn’t mean that his ass has suddenly gone blind. A bad b*tch is a bad b*tch no matter who sees her. Worry more about how your man is looking at you rather than him looking at other women. If he stops looking at you buts is constantly looking at other women…then you can worry. Until let him look at what he can’t touch without getting cut. Oh and for the record…you noticed that woman too…quit playing like you didn’t.
- Going Out, Without You: I encourage my husband to have boys nights. Why? Because when he has boys nights…I have ALONE TIME! Both of us need to recharge, and sometimes being alone or out with the guys is the best way to do that. You do not need to be up under your man all the time. Y’all were two different people before getting together, and you are still two people. Not everything you do has to be done together. Let that man go out and vent to his boys and get his mind in check. Men who don’t go out are in the house looking for an out….and that leads to you checking his phone. Oh and for the record…the stripclub is not a bad place for him to go. It’s just another place for him to look at other women.
- The Once Upon A Cheater: OK so your man cheated on you once upon a time, but you took him back. But now you have trust issues right? I hate to tell you this sugar tits…but either you are gonna get over that sh*t and start building up your trust in your man and relationship, or you are gonna let that sh*t go. You cannot be happy one minute and mistrusting the next for the rest of y’all lives. That is emotional whiplash for you and him. Make a choice and stick to it. Being wishy-washy and acting crazy and judgmental all the time is not gon keep yo man. You made the decision to stay, so either play or pass.
- SEX: Remember, what you wont do another woman will. I am not saying doing anything that you are truly uncomfortable with, but you should experiment with your man. As women we alllllll know that men watch porn, and porn breeds crazy ass fantasies and imaginations. Try some of the things out and even try out some things you may think of. Experimentation in relationships is never a bad thing. It can only bring you closer. Either you will both get a good laugh out of all of this, or it will be a great experience that you both enjoy. Being a prude and basic in the bedroom is never good for a relationship. I’m not saying that your spouse will cheat, but I am saying that they will get bored.
- Attitude: You’re a woman. Having an attitude from time to time is practically ingrained in our DNA. However, having an attitude with your man all the time…is ridiculous. You should not be mad at your man all the damn time. Yes they are irritating as f*ck sometimes…and make you contemplate how to get away with murder, but always being mad is unhealthy. Nobody wants a bitter woman, and I do mean nobody. I don’t even like hanging with women who I feel are bitter. It’s exhausting. If you have a problem with your spouse…speak the hell up! Don’t sit and let it fester until you blow up or end up getting left because of your stank ass attitude. There have been many women in this world who ended up single due to their bad attitude…don’t join that club.
- Friends: Everyone has that one friend that their man doesn’t like. It’s fact. Now just because they don’t like them, doesn’t mean that you guys still can’t be friends. But what it does mean, is that you have to respect his opinion. Do not constantly have that one person you know your man doesn’t like around. That is just rude. You need to respect his opinions and feelings the same way he does yours. No need to get into a fight over something as dumb as someone else. You and him are in a relationship, not you, him, and your friend.
- Money: This one is real simple. Don’t let money make your relationship. It doesn’t matter who makes what or how much. What matters is that the bills are paid and that you are both living comfortably…within your means. You don’t need his permission to spend money, and he doesn’t need yours. But…if there is a big-ticket item, aka anything over $300, that does need to be discussed. Neither one of you can make some lavish purchase without consulting the other first. Now obviously this excludes gifts for each other. Yes that seems crazy, and somewhat hypocritical, but if you are doing something nice or special for your honey…that’s ok. I’m sure they would understand, unless they explicitly told you otherwise.
Well those are all situations that I have helped other women through. This advice isn’t just limited to other wives, it is to all women in relationships. Let’s do better by being better ladies…that’s all I’m saying.
Is there anything you want my opinion on? Is there any situation you want to share where you were the Olivia Pope of relationships? Just have something you want to say? If so let me know in the comments below?