Here is a list of the things that I miss, from BEFORE I had a baby. Feel free to add what you miss in the comments below.
- My Flat Stomach: Yes this is the obvious one, but let’s be real. No matter how hard you work out and good you eat, that mom belly is never gonna be as snatched as it once was. Yes it may be flat and yes you may get abs…but there will always be something you do like as it was never there prior to your baby. (Sidenote: for you “fit mommies who snapped back extra great…your a freak of nature and obviously never eat good food lol)
- Breasts WITHOUT a Mind of Their Own: I swear my boobs have no f*cking idea what they want to do anymore. Do they wanna sit high? Do they want to sit low? Do they want to be in a bra today? Do they wanna roam free even if I put them in a bra? Do they even like me? There are soooo many questions when it comes to your new mom boobs, and this is at any size. I have rather large boobs (which never shrank back down after stopping breastfeeding #FML), and I swear it is a day-to-day thing on how they will act. I need titty cooperation damnit!
- Hips that Lie: Remember how Shakira told us that the “hips don’t lie”??? Well they use to! I remember when I could wear a pair of jeans/pants/leggings and look f*cking amazeballs, no matter what the color or style. Now with these here mom hips…no such luck. I will put on pants and look like a damn umpa lumpa if they aren’t the right cut. There is no hiding anything anymore. I mean you could always get those high wasted mom jeans that give you a flat ass…but NO ONE wants that. I can’t have my curves looking like full-blown turns, which is why I need my hips to start lying to me again.
- Naps: Yes! I know when you read that you gave a sad sigh. It’s OK…I feel your pain. I remember when I could sleep on the weekends past 7am and nap at will because I had the time. Now nap is like torture. Why is it torture you ask? Well it’s because you spend the entire nap listening out for your kid, because they may need you. Mind you…your kid might be sleep, or not even with you, but the nap is still interrupted by your mommy instincts. It’s so not fair!
- Free-Time/Hobbies: Remember when you had spare time to do the things you liked? Those were the good ol days huh? I miss being able to play around and do things for me…with not a care in the world for time or responsibilities. Being able to put all your responsibilities on hold for however long because you know you would have PLENTY of time to get back to them. Yea…those were the times. Not anymore though. Now it’s keeping a strictly flexible schedule of everything you have to do for everyone else. The free-time you had to do the things you like is no more. Now you have to worry about if you managed to get everything done…just so you can sleep at night, WITHOUT dreaming about all the sh*t you didn’t get done.
- Spontaneous Sex: You know you were thinking it! This is completely self-explanatory, and I am pretty sure I’ve talked about this in a previous post…but it’s worth mentioning again lol. All of us mamas miss getting it in whenever and wherever…not getting it in where it fits in. Quickies are only fun if they are inappropriate…not when they are due to someone interrupting.
- Privacy: Nothing I have own, or use, is limited to just being mine. My child seems to think that wherever I go…he can too. I miss being able to do personal things in peace. It is hard to use the restroom with someone staring at you or running back and forth to give me kisses or laugh hysterically. I miss being able to spend time doing private things…in private…without interruption.
- A Clean House: Need I say more? My name ain’t Molly and i surely am no maid…so cleaning is NOT my official job. As for it being my unofficial job…clearly it is…and im ready to quit that sh*t.
There will be a second post regarding this topic…stay tuned.