Black Woman Rules

So it has been awhile since I have posted, sorry I have been MIA. Life has been craaaaaazy busy and honestly blogging was the LAST thing on my mind. But here I am today in all my glory, and I think I have figured out a schedule for doing this more productively. Now…on to the topic at hand.

Recently I was in a situation where something happened, and it was like a violation of my melanin richness. By this I am referring to the universal unspoken rules of being a black woman. I know some people may not know this…but there are rules that most of us abide by, and more importantly, expect others to do so as well. So because of this situation. I have decided to make a list of my top “Black Woman Rules,” so that if you ever need them, you now have the knowledge. 

Rule #1: NEVER touch a black woman’s hair! Yes, it is true that we do a lot of things with our hair. For example I change my hair into a new hairstyle once every two weeks, if not once a week. That means that I am pretty much a different person every week…and I love…and so do other people. However, if you are of the “other” people, you are not allowed to touch my damn hair! The ONLY person that is allowed to touch my hair is me, my mom, my man, and my cosmetologist when I see her. Putting your hands in my hair is liable to get you elbowed in the throat.

Rule #2: Don’t ask if my hair is real! If you saw me yesterday with a bob, and then today with hair down to my butt…do you think I grew that sh*t overnight?! The answer to that is hell no! Obviously I have added some hair in, and I don’t need you asking me about it. Oh and for the record…if I bought it…it is f*cking mine. Period.

Rule #3: Do not comment on my complexion! I am a beautiful melanin goddess…and I f*ckin know it! I don’t need you to tell me that. Not to mention it’s weird and makes you seem kinda racist. And I know that you’re probably thinking that I am talking only about non-blacks…but I’m not. I mean everyone. The ONLY time it is ok to mention the color/tone of my skin is if I am talking about it, or we are discussing foundation. Most black women HATE when people make a big f*ckin deal about our color. I don’t need anyone else’s validation on the beauty of my skin.

Rule # 4: Do not tell me how to parent my child in public! As a black parent, we believe in DISCIPLINE. Now I am not judging you on how you parent your kid..but I can guarantee you that if mine were to fall out or try to have a tantrum in public…he’s getting popped. I am not gonna have my  child acting like billy bad ass in public just because you don’t like seeing me discipline him. Oh and if you say something about what and how I’m disciplining my son…you can be next. Trust and believe I have enough whoop ass left for you, as my kid is only getting popped. Try me boo!

Rule #5: Don’t pronounce my name “ghetto.” My name is Ashley. Its plain, simple, and very common. I am pretty sure there is no other way to say my name, other than the normal way. However, because I am black, people tend to want to pronounce my name is some “ghetto” ass way. Yes there are some black people with admittedly colorful and creative names…but I ain’t one of them. Say my name the way you read it, and don’t “black it up.”

Rule #6: Don’t ask me to twerk or dance! I don’t know what it is with people, but they always assume that all black women can do all the latest dances. Granted….that is true a majority of the time, but it doesn’t mean we are your personal entertainment. I don’t twerk in public..only in private for my man. The only time it’s appropriate to ask a black woman to twerk for you…is if she’s finished sliding down the pole and collecting her money. Any other time you wanna see someone do that…google/youtube that sh*t.

Well there you have it folks. Those are SOME of the Black Woman Rules to live by. I can almost guarantee that if you ask any black woman about any rule I have laid out…she will agree with me. 

Curious about anything regarding Black Woman Rules or want to add to the list? Leave it in the comments below.

 

*Toodles*

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