Storytime: My Lady Stalker

So today I am gonna share a little story about my life with everyone. According to my younger cousin, the crazy sh*t that happens to me is funny…but the life lessons I’ve learned from said crazy sh*t is amazing. Well all my lovely readers (assuming I have readers like that, you guys can be the judge of that when I tell you this story. Oh and this story came up today because a coworker and I jokingly mentioned stalkers…and it made me think of my former one lol.

Ok so back when I was in college, I met this girl in my Photo40 class, and we became friendly. (Oh and for the sake of this story…we will call her Fi.) So Fi and I became friendly, as we saw each other at least 3-4 times a week during class and lab hours. Coincidentally, she and I had a connection to one another. Her mom and my grandparents were friends. (No she wasnt older than me, she was being raised by her grandmother who was her mom) So that common link had us on the road to becoming fast friends.

Fast forward to about halfway through the semester. Fi and I had a project to do, and so to save time and money, we went out to take photos together, when I didn’t have to work. I would go over to her apartment and she would drive from there. She came to my apartment a time or two, but she lived alone and I lived with my then boyfriend (now husband), so it made more sense to invade her space instead of mine. Now of course after being introduced to someones space, and kicking it outside of school, we can safely say that we are new friends.

We would hang out, go to the mall, do our individual projects to build our portfolios, and just be young and free. However, she had no job, and I had two. I was working at a dance studio teaching hip-hop, jazz, and ballet, and I also worked PT at GNC. And I also had other closer friends, of whom I am still friends with, that I would hang out with as well. That being said…she didn’t really spend that much time with me. Not like my other real friends were at least.

Well one day I was on the phone with her and we were just shooting the sh*t, and she asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was cooking some chicken alfredo for me and my man’s dinner. She told me that sounded good, and then changed the subject. About a day or two later, she was chatting with me at school, and casually asked me why I “didn’t offer her any food the other day,” when she and I were on the phone. Ummmm…confuse me? You have never put food in my mouth nor are you my responsibility to feed.  I have myself and a MAN to feed…this ain’t no soup kitchen boo…feed ya damn self girl!! That should have been my first red flag that the b*tch was two walls short of a room.

So after that little moment, I was kinda coo off her because that was just too stupid for my tastes. I barely spoke to her and because our class was over by this time, I didn’t have to see her. One day I was at work when I got a phone call with some bad news. (It turned out that the bad news wasn’t really bad news in the end…so yay to that). Well during the mist of me having a COMPLETE emotional f*ckin breakdown at work, she called me. Of course I didn’t answer, because my co-worker (bless her heart) was trying to console me while talking to my husband (then bf) on the phone to come and get me.

So my husband comes and gets me, and takes me back to our apartment. I am a mess, he is trying to console me, and my phone is ringing in my backpack like crazy. Of course, assuming that if it’s someone in my family regarding this bad news, I wasnt worried about it because they would just call my man. So after I finally calmed down enough to look at my phone, I was f*ckin shocked. I swear I will never forget seeing this sh*t on my phone screen. Fi had called me 16 times in a row, texted me 21 times, and left 7 voice messages! What in the entire f*ck.

As I was reading the text messages she was progressively getting more aggressive/crazy. Asking me sh*t like why am I ignoring her, why can’t I just pick up the phone, she just wants to talk, and all kinds of other crazy shit. As I was reading through the texts with my husband, in disbelief, he goes “damn…you would think she yo man.” That is exactly how she was acting! She was talking to me like we were in a f*ckin relationship. In her voicemail’s…her crazy really had a chance to shine. She was talking bout she hasn’t done anything to me for her to deserve this, and that she “just wants me back.” Ummmmm no ho! You can’t have something back that was never yours in the first f*ckin place. She even took it as far as to get angry at me…for “making” her act like this. How the hell is it my fault that your batsh*t crazy? Oh and she even did the angry black girl clap…on my voicemail lol. (Sidenote: For those of you who don’t know, the ABGC is when a black woman claps after every word she says to punctuate how pissed she is)

By this time she is in full blocked mode on my phone, so she then proceeded to contact me on facebook…and contact my man. Needless to say she got blocked on there too. Crazy b*tch. It got to the point where she was going out of her way, and walking all the way across campus, just to see if she could see/talk to me. Obviously I avoided her ass like the plague, and went out of my way to NOT run into her…EVER. During this whole time she never stopped calling or texting me, and I would get all the blocked message notifications each time she did. Eventually, after like 2 months, she stopped.

Now I will be the first person to tell you that I think I am pretty great…but I am not that f*cking great. She really got it in her head somehow that she and I were a couple. I’m all for you loving the ladies…but this ain’t the lady you need to be loving lol. I never gave you any suggestion that I may be into you or want you. You met my man for f*cks sake! One day, after I was married, I ran into her in a store. I was with a friend and when I saw her I was like girl let’s get the f*ck outta here before crazy sees me. Of course my friend had heard the story, so she laughed and said ok. On our way out the door we heard ‘ol girl RUNNING to the front of the store. As I was getting in the car, she yelled out my name, said hi, and told me she missed me. I casually waved and got in the car and pulled the f*ck off.

So yea…that’s my Storytime for today. Can you believe that crazy sh*t? I swear I have never in my life experienced someone else’s crazy that was that pure lol. Has anyone ever showered you in crazy like Fi did me? And what do you think of my Storytime? Leave it in the comments below.



Dieting Devil

My husband and I have decided that we are going to get back in shape together. Now if you have read my previous posts regarding my health and weight, you would see that at one point I tried, but then I decided that I was happy with my body the way it was. Well Here’s and update on that…I saw a picture of myself recently…and WAS NOT okay with it. And being that I wasnt happy with how I looked…I’m changing that.

So back to the title of this blog. I have never dieted a day in my f*ckin life! I mean until I had my son, I had been the same since junior year of high school! And for the record that is now 11/12 years ago. But back to what I was saying. Being the same size, give or take a lb, for that long…it makes you definitely feel some type a way about your body. Specifically like you know it super well. Well after Bubs that is no longer the case, and I have to try harder.

With that trying harder comes dieting, with dieting comes hunger, and with hunger comes anger. Yea that’s right I said it, anger. Dieting make people f*cking mean. I am angry every time im hungry lol. My husband says that I am having food withdrawals, which is common with dieting and it goes away. I will admit that it has gotten better, but I would stab him in the side for a damn donut or a coke at this point. (It’s funny because it’s true)

So overall what I have to say for this whole diet thing is that its going great, I’m feeling good about working out everyday and eating better…but I it f*cking sucks at the exact same time. I am going to tough this out, because I refuse to ever see a picture of myself (like the one that hurt my feelings) again. I’d say that i would keep you guys updated…but that is a promise that i just can’t keep lol.

Have you ever dieted? If so how did it go and what did you miss eating? Leave it in the comments below.



Woman Wednesday: Underwear

Undies. Panties. Chonies. Skivvies. There are so many words that mean underwear, but none of which actually describe them. Especially not for women. Our underwear are so complex and have different categories and subcategories…all of which are un-f*ckin-comfortable.

Yes, I said ALL. If you’re a woman and reading thins, I’m sure that youre saying to yourself “I have comfy undies.” Well let me be the first to tell you that you don’t. Let me outline to you why they are uncomfortable…by type.

  • Boy Shorts: Yea they look cute and feel fine when you are about to sexy with ya boo. But what happens when you put your pants on? That’s right…they start to pinch and ride in all the wrong places. Specifically they somehow start to pinch your thigh joint or your whoha! And of course you can’t just run around pulling out vedgies (that’s a vagina wedgies btw), without looking like you have something contagious.
  • Thongs: They’re all fine and dandy until about 6hrs or so in. That is when the thong has retreated so far up your ass that you can taste the f*ckin elastic. And let’s be honest..your crack starts to feel like it’s getting chaffed. Lmao. Yup that’s right. your asscrack feels raw lol. Oh and when you take that thang off…FIX IT JESUS. I promise it feels like you’re trying to pull your soul out of your body.
  • Period Panties: Personally I love them. they are soooo comfortable and easy. BUT…they just don’t work with anything but sweats. And speaking of sweat…this may be tmi…but I promise I feel like I get hotter down there when im wearing them. It’s like a sauna down there lol. Oh and not to mention that when you have to wear real clothes…they start doing things that they shouldn’t. Namely they f*cking fall down! Like how does that happen? Why are they falling?! How are they falling?! With all that ass back their youd think they’d stay up..but no!

So those are the issues that a majority of the underwear for women have. Guys only have to worry of riding up and getting holes. oh the easy life they lead.

What are some underwear issues you’ve faced? leave em in the comments below…if your brave lol.


“New Year, New Me”

So. First things first….WELCOME & HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I hope everyone had a great NYE and that this year is everyone’s year! Be you, be true, and be great! OK so now back to the title of this blog post.

I absolutely DESPISE that saying. I mean who even came up with that? How in the hell does the new year have anything to do with you changing who you are? That idea is ludicrous! Yes, the new year does mean that it is a chance to start fresh…but that means you are starting the life you already led fresh. 

I personally never go into a year with the notion that I am somehow going to be a “new me.” Admittedly there are some things that I plan on doing different, but there is definitely no new me. I am the me that I have always been, but with better decision-making skills or self-control.

Frankly I don’t want to be a “new me.” I want to be the same me that I have always been, because I love who I am. I don’t feel like I need to change who I am at all. Everything that I have done has been done with a reason or purpose. It may not have been a good reason, or even served a great purpose…but it helped mold who I am. And I am appreciateive for those life lessons.

Everything that you go through is meant to teach you something. So the idea that you need to be a new you is basically saying that you don’t like who you are. Whatever has happened in your past is not something to run from, it is something to learn from. So I would loooove it if everyone stopped with the “New Year,  New Me”  bullsh*t. Just be happy with who the f*ck you are and how you got to be that person. Live each day like it’s the best day, and each year with the confidence that this year is the best year. Trust me you’ll be much happier that way. You’re Welcome.