Recently I have started to learn of some friends, and friends of friends, who are in toxic relationships. By toxic I mean verbally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically abusive relationships. This made me think about how the saying “Love is Blind,” really rings true. Theses women that I either know, or know of, have allowed their so-called “love” for their baby daddy/bf/husband to blind them to the reality of the situation they are in. Now some of you may judge me for this next statement, or think that I am some heartless b*tch…but I assure you I say this with no malice in my heart. I am at the point now where I no longer feel sorry for these women…I just pity them.
Pity is a strong word to use when referring to someone who is essentially in an abusive relationship, but it is fitting for what I now feel. When a woman knows that she is in a bad relationship, reaches out for help, and then goes back to the person she is with…it is no longer an “I feel bad for you” type situation. It is an I don’t understand why you would do this situation, and a please let me help you help yourself situation. But of course, you can’t help anyone who doesn’t want to help themselves, as sad and hard as that may be. Some women truly allow what they THINK is love to blind them to what they KNOW to be true.
When thinking about this topic, I found myself reciting that old phrase that everyone knows. “You can’t change a leopards spots.” This has never been more true than when it comes to a toxic relationship. Why? Well let me break it down for you. A leopard has spots not just only on their fur, but on their actual skin. It is a genetic design to ensure that they are superb hunters, as the spots allow them to camouflage with their environment. A man who is no good will do whatever he has to do to get what he wants. He is camouflaging into his surroundings so that no one recognizes him for the predator he is, especially his prey aka the woman of choice.
He is NOT a good guy, and he is not gonna change. At least not with you.Men like this who do change, usually change years down the line after therapy and probably a stint or to in a jail somewhere. Unfortunately you wont be the woman reaping the benefits of his change, because you will never be more than what you are to him…which is nothing/no one of value (which is what you are). Of course I realize that there are some women in this world that rode through an abusive relationship, and came out on the other side with said man happy and in a better spot…but I just cant see why someone would subject themselves to that. Love should never involve violence of any form. Ignorance on the other hand will, as will being blind to the truth of the situation you are in. Opening your eyes to the truth of your situation can only be beneficial to you.
So as I am getting down from my soapbox, I leave you with these last thoughts. Loving yourself should be more than enough to make you happy. You do not have to turn a blind eye to what someone is doing to you, just barbecue you want happiness and love. Sometimes what we want isn’t always what we need, and what we need isn’t always what we want. If you know anyone who is going through a situation such as the one described in this post, please let them know that they are worth more than what they are settling for. Walking through a relationship blind is only blocking out the beauty that you deserve to see and be part of.