The Boobie Struggle

I have to admit something to you all. I cannot stand flat chested/small breasted women! Yup…that’s right, I said it. And I meant it! Why you ask? It’s really pretty damn simple…because they have it ridiculously easy in life. Let me give you a few examples.

  • Bras: Little boobie/flat chested women don’t have to worry about bras. Either they can go without, or they can go to target and get them a bra. Do you know how hard it is for us well endowed ladies?! It’s f*cking ridiculous! Not only are bras $70+ a pop…but they are all UGLY! There is no cute frilly frill or sexy lace for us. No! We get nude, black, and white…and they all look like we are going to be playing canasta at the home right after bingo. F*cking ugly I tell you. And please don’t think I am referring to anything in the D’s. Those aren’t big boobs. They’re just the biggest of the little ones. I am referring to people who rock in the same boat as me. The women who have to buy their bras at Nordstrom’s, because that’s the only place that has our sizes. I would loooove to throw on a sexy set from Victoria’s Secret…but the secret of that store is…you gotta be f*cking flat chested to shop there! #Bulllsh*t
  • Shirts: Ever try on a shirt only to find out that it doesn’t go over your boobs? Ever try on a shirt that looks cute on the hanger/mannequin, and when you put it on looks like you are ready to hit the hoe stroll? If you answered “no” to either one of these questions, then you my friends are of the LBC (Little Boobie Club). I cannot tell you how many times I have been in a store trying on shirts that just don’t wont work. Either they are too big, because I’m trying to accommodate my boobs, or they are too small because my boobs are too big. *insert dramatic eye roll here* It is very rare that the Goldilocks shirt is found (meaning it’s just right). Due to this fun little fact…I end up with like 5 of the same damn shirt in different colors! I would love for the variety in my wardrobe to mean more than just color. #Sh*ttyTittyShirts
  • Sleep: Picture it! Your sleeping soundly, enjoying catching some much-needed and deserved Z’s.Then suddenly you can’t breathe or feel a sharp pain! You wake up in a panic thinking someone is trying to kill you…only to find out that YOUR THE SOMEBODY! That’s right ladies…you were laying in a way that your own damn tits almost f*ckin killed you! They were probably wrapped around your neck like some kinky flesh pillow (because you were laying on your back), or you ended up laying on one, and squished it sending your brain the WTF signal and waking you up. Oh! There is also the dreaded suffocation/lay combo. That’s when you’re laying on your stomach, and your boobs are perfectly aligned underneath you, so not only do you get the WTF pain signal…but you also can’t breathe because those giant fun bags have turned into a crushing orbs of death. Yea…big boobs and sleep are a hard combo, and little boobie/flat chested ladies will never understand the real sleep struggle. #SleepingWithTheEnemy
  • Strapless ANYTHING: I have one word for you…SAUSAGE! I don’t care what anyone tells me…all big boobied women looking like they are stashing a sh*t ton of Oscar Myers in their shirts if they wear anything strapless. Only way we don’t look like that is if the strapless attire is sweetheart neckline, and perfectly tailored to us. So yea…strapless is just not where it’s at. Leave that sh*t to the tiny tata chicas…it’s cute on those little flesh lumps. Oh and if there is a big boobie lady who disagrees with me on this…your wrong and I’m right. Lol. I’m here to be the voice of truth in the blind ways of straplessness. #WrongKindOfSausageParty

If these reasons aren’t enough to have issues with the smaller breasted ladies, than I don’t know what is. Big breasted women have been dealt a rough card in the life of womanhood. What’s crazy to me is that the small breasted women have all the options and availability in the world for those small things…but then have the audacity to complain. Listen up complainers…shut the hell up! The grass is NOT greener on the other side. It’s actually a f*cking forrest full of obstacles and near death experiences. You’ve been warned.

Are you in the LBC or the BTC (Big Titty Club)? Is there things you’d like to add or dispute about this post? Let me know in the comments below.

 

*Toodles*

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