The Female Friendship

Men are lucky. When they make friends it can last for a lifetime. That’s because they don’t dabble in the arena of pettyness the way women do. If they have a problem they either fight it out and are still friends after. The other option is that they talk sh*t in a passive aggressive manner until it leads to a fight….after which they are friends again lol. Women don’t do that sh*t…and we should.

As women, it’s hard to have a large group of close GIRLfriends. This, I feel, is because women are too competitive. It is a sad, but true fact, and it is something that is totally unnecessary if you are truly  a friend to someone. When women have a disagreement, it can spiral into a world of bullsh*t and feelings. I myself am a woman who shares my thoughts and feelings with someone I’m mad, regardless if that is gonna make someone uncomfortable. But this is a rare quality, as I have come to realize.

The other day I was talking to a good friend of mine because she needed to vent. Of course I was there for her (because that’s what friends do), and I’m also hella nosey so I wanted to know the tea lol. Well she essentially has a friend who is hating on her whole entire life/relationship. Everything good in her life is something to be commented on by her “friend.” It’s so obvious to me that the girl is jealous, and instead of just admitting that she is envious or whatever the case may be, she just makes b*tchy comments at every chance she gets. Not OK! 

I’m sure that if you’re a woman and reading this, you have at least 3 “friends” in your life who are (or hopefully who were) like this. That is because women hate to see other women doing great, if they aren’t doing just as great. It’s completely stupid and childish, but it’s how we function. We would be better of acting like men in this sense, but that would be too much like right. For women its easier to be shady that it is to be genuine when in a friendship. Yes, that’s super f*cked up…but its the truth.

Of course there are the friendship exceptions, in which you are all really close and can keep it real without it going wrong, but more often than not those friendships were developed in adulthood. I truly believe that women have to make friends in adulthood if they want to keep them. Otherwise the friendships are going to fall off into the abyss of f*ck-that-b*tch-land. 

What I’m saying in a nutshell is that women need to learn how to be friends so that they can have friends. Knock it off with all the shady sh*t and the back talking and gossiping. If you have something to say to someone…say it! Who cares if they don’t like if you’re keeping it real. Id rather be real with a small circle of friends, than fake with a large group where half the women are b*tches who I don’t like and don’t like me.

What do you think about women and friendships? Do you think it’s a fight for us to keep them or make them? Let me know in the comments below.

 

*Toodles*

When Love Is Blind

Recently I have started to learn of some friends, and friends of friends, who are in toxic relationships. By toxic I mean verbally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically abusive relationships. This made me think about how the saying “Love is Blind,” really rings true. Theses women that I either know, or know of, have allowed their so-called “love” for their baby daddy/bf/husband to blind them to the reality of the situation they are in. Now some of you may judge me for this next statement, or think that I am some heartless b*tch…but I assure you I say this with no malice in my heart. I am at the point now where I no longer feel sorry for these women…I just pity them.

Pity is a strong word to use when referring to someone who is essentially in an abusive relationship, but it is fitting for what I now feel. When a woman knows that she is in a bad relationship, reaches out for help, and then goes back to the person she is with…it is no longer an “I feel bad for you” type situation. It is an I don’t understand why you would do this situation, and a please let me help you help yourself situation. But of course, you can’t help anyone who doesn’t want to help themselves, as sad and hard as that may be. Some women truly allow what they THINK is love to blind them to what they KNOW to be true. 

When thinking about this topic, I found myself reciting that old phrase that everyone knows. “You can’t change a leopards spots.” This has never been more true than when it comes to a toxic relationship. Why? Well let me break it down for you. A leopard has spots not just only on their fur, but on their actual skin. It is a genetic design to ensure that they are superb hunters, as the spots allow them to camouflage with their environment. A man who is no good will do whatever he has to do to get what he wants. He is camouflaging into his surroundings so that no one recognizes him for the predator he is, especially his prey aka the woman of choice.

He is NOT  a good guy, and he is not gonna change. At least not with you.Men like this who do change, usually change years down the line after therapy and probably a stint or to in a jail somewhere. Unfortunately you wont be the woman reaping the benefits of his change, because you will never be more than what you are to him…which is nothing/no one of value (which is what you are). Of course I realize that there are some women in this world that rode through an abusive relationship, and came out on the other side with said man happy and in a better spot…but I just cant see why someone would subject themselves to that. Love should never involve violence of any form. Ignorance on the other hand will, as will being blind to the truth of the situation you are in. Opening your eyes to the truth of your situation can only be beneficial to you.

So as I am getting down from my soapbox, I leave you with these last thoughts. Loving yourself should be more than enough to make you happy. You do not have to turn a blind eye to what someone is doing to you, just barbecue you want happiness and love. Sometimes what we want isn’t always what we need, and what we need isn’t always what we want. If you know anyone who is going through a situation such as the one described in this post, please let them know that they are worth more than what they are settling for. Walking through a relationship blind is only blocking out the beauty that you deserve to see and be part of.

 

*Toodles*

Freaky Friday: Hoe Fasho

LMAO. I’m sure you’re already thinking “wtf is this woman talking about?” Well this is something that I stand by. A lot of people have asked me how my husband and I seem like we are happy or best friends. Specifically people in my generation (28yrs young) ask how we don’t get bored with each other. Well my answer to that is that 1) we were friends before we were anything, and 2) I’m his ho. Don’t get it? Well stay tuned.

Many women think that once they are in a relationship that they can change. Yes you can change some things, but one thing you shouldn’t change is your sex drive. Sex is a pivotal part of any romantic relationship, as it is the physical ying to your emotional yang. One cannot function well without the other. Actually…I lied. One can function without the other, but it would be a boring relationship, or a hook up. Neither of those is a good thing long-term. But back to me being my husbands ho.

Most people who cheat do it because the person they are with is no longer interesting. They have got boring and complacent in the relationship, and therefore on partner tends to venture out into the world of foreign fornication. This has not, and WILL not happen to me, because of how I am with my husband. I am:

  1. His wife
  2. His girlfriend
  3. His mistress
  4. His side b*tch
  5. His stripper
  6. and His hoe

There is not a b*tch in this world that can replace me, because on any given day, I have already replaced MYSELF…with MYSELF! He doesn’t wanna go out and play in the dirt when he can roll around in diamonds at home. As the saying goes, variety is the spice of life, so why act the same way, sexually, each time you have sex. That sh*t gets old real fast.

Mix it up! Dress up, dress down, don’t dress at all…WHATEVER! Do it in the kitchen, the bathroom, the hallway, on the patio. Wherever is clever and convenient…DO IT! Basically just let loose. There doesn’t have to be set rules and regulations to intimacy in relationships. The only time that happens is when one person in the party is more adventurous than the other…or in some cases more boring. But I highly doubt that every person reading this is into some s&m type shit…but if you are, more power to you. As long as it feels good and you’re happy with how it all went down…that’s all that matters. No one can tell you what the right kinda sexy-time is for you. Do you boo. And don’t let anyone sway you from doing it.

 Now if you feel like anything I just said is crass…then you’re probably boring in the bedroom, and noticing some issues in your relationship that revolve around sex. I’m not judging you, but if you really wanna change things, stop being so damn pent-up sexually. Liberation is so lovely, and tapping into your feral desires is not a bad thing. Not only is it good for your partner….but it’s also good for you. Lots of studies show that sex increases endorphin’s, and endorphin’s make you happy. So look at it this way…satisfying horniess = increasing happiness. And NO I am not suggesting you should go out and play pass that p*ssy. I am only referring to this in committed (hopefully long-term) relationships. 

What are your thoughts on being your partners hoe? Are you for it, or against it? Let me know in the comments below.

 

*Toodles*

 

The Boobie Struggle

I have to admit something to you all. I cannot stand flat chested/small breasted women! Yup…that’s right, I said it. And I meant it! Why you ask? It’s really pretty damn simple…because they have it ridiculously easy in life. Let me give you a few examples.

  • Bras: Little boobie/flat chested women don’t have to worry about bras. Either they can go without, or they can go to target and get them a bra. Do you know how hard it is for us well endowed ladies?! It’s f*cking ridiculous! Not only are bras $70+ a pop…but they are all UGLY! There is no cute frilly frill or sexy lace for us. No! We get nude, black, and white…and they all look like we are going to be playing canasta at the home right after bingo. F*cking ugly I tell you. And please don’t think I am referring to anything in the D’s. Those aren’t big boobs. They’re just the biggest of the little ones. I am referring to people who rock in the same boat as me. The women who have to buy their bras at Nordstrom’s, because that’s the only place that has our sizes. I would loooove to throw on a sexy set from Victoria’s Secret…but the secret of that store is…you gotta be f*cking flat chested to shop there! #Bulllsh*t
  • Shirts: Ever try on a shirt only to find out that it doesn’t go over your boobs? Ever try on a shirt that looks cute on the hanger/mannequin, and when you put it on looks like you are ready to hit the hoe stroll? If you answered “no” to either one of these questions, then you my friends are of the LBC (Little Boobie Club). I cannot tell you how many times I have been in a store trying on shirts that just don’t wont work. Either they are too big, because I’m trying to accommodate my boobs, or they are too small because my boobs are too big. *insert dramatic eye roll here* It is very rare that the Goldilocks shirt is found (meaning it’s just right). Due to this fun little fact…I end up with like 5 of the same damn shirt in different colors! I would love for the variety in my wardrobe to mean more than just color. #Sh*ttyTittyShirts
  • Sleep: Picture it! Your sleeping soundly, enjoying catching some much-needed and deserved Z’s.Then suddenly you can’t breathe or feel a sharp pain! You wake up in a panic thinking someone is trying to kill you…only to find out that YOUR THE SOMEBODY! That’s right ladies…you were laying in a way that your own damn tits almost f*ckin killed you! They were probably wrapped around your neck like some kinky flesh pillow (because you were laying on your back), or you ended up laying on one, and squished it sending your brain the WTF signal and waking you up. Oh! There is also the dreaded suffocation/lay combo. That’s when you’re laying on your stomach, and your boobs are perfectly aligned underneath you, so not only do you get the WTF pain signal…but you also can’t breathe because those giant fun bags have turned into a crushing orbs of death. Yea…big boobs and sleep are a hard combo, and little boobie/flat chested ladies will never understand the real sleep struggle. #SleepingWithTheEnemy
  • Strapless ANYTHING: I have one word for you…SAUSAGE! I don’t care what anyone tells me…all big boobied women looking like they are stashing a sh*t ton of Oscar Myers in their shirts if they wear anything strapless. Only way we don’t look like that is if the strapless attire is sweetheart neckline, and perfectly tailored to us. So yea…strapless is just not where it’s at. Leave that sh*t to the tiny tata chicas…it’s cute on those little flesh lumps. Oh and if there is a big boobie lady who disagrees with me on this…your wrong and I’m right. Lol. I’m here to be the voice of truth in the blind ways of straplessness. #WrongKindOfSausageParty

If these reasons aren’t enough to have issues with the smaller breasted ladies, than I don’t know what is. Big breasted women have been dealt a rough card in the life of womanhood. What’s crazy to me is that the small breasted women have all the options and availability in the world for those small things…but then have the audacity to complain. Listen up complainers…shut the hell up! The grass is NOT greener on the other side. It’s actually a f*cking forrest full of obstacles and near death experiences. You’ve been warned.

Are you in the LBC or the BTC (Big Titty Club)? Is there things you’d like to add or dispute about this post? Let me know in the comments below.

 

*Toodles*

Big Boy or Parented?

YAAAAAY! I’m finally posting in December! I’m super proud of myself right now lol. 

Ok so here’s the thing. I have had a many of mommies, some friends some strangers, look at my little dude and comment on how much of a big boy he is. Yes, I do feel like my baby is a big boy now…but its only because he is no longer in his crib. He is still only 1 and a half years old (20months tomorrow), so he really isn’t that old. But to some people he is because of not only how he looks, but how he acts. This led me to the realization…that some people need to stop babying their babies!

My son has 87 words in his repertoire. And for anyone who is thinking “how does she know that” my husband and I literally made a list of all his words…and counted them. Time consuming, yes, pointless…maybe lol. So back to my point. At 1 and a half years old, my son 87 words, and can form 3-4 words sentences. He can also count to ten by ones and twos. So not to brag…but my kids the sh*t! Bragging aside, I feel like all the kids in his daycare are on the same intellect track as he is. So to me my son is smart, but he should be this smart at this age.

That being said…im gonna need some moms to get it the f*ck together. Why is your kid 1 and not talking, or only saying uhoh/mama/dada/no? That means that you are babying your damn baby. STOP IT! Little Timmy/Tammy don’t need to be babied. No…they need to be spoken to like real little humans. I talk to my son like I would talk to any other person. Granted I don’t use my more colorful language lol, but you get the gist. I dont baby talk him, and I dont simplify what I am saying. How is he supposed to learn if im constantly dumbing sh*t down for him? The answer to that question is that he isn’t. 

In my opinion my kid is normal. Don’t try to call him a f*ckin big boy just because your kid is behind his curve. Now please don’t get me wrong…I am by no means calling someone elses baby dumb or slow. Not at all. But…I am calling the parent dumb and slow. They are DUMBing down things for their kid, which in turn is SLOWing down their progression and maturation. What f*cking sense does that make. The answer is NONE! Yes your baby will always be your baby, but that does NOT give you the excuse to treat them as such. Parent your damn kid.

I am very aware that there is always a different method to everyone’s parenting madness, but to constantly use to excuse that my kid is just a “big boy” is bullsh*t. My kid is as much of a kid as yours…I just don’t allow myself to hinder him by babying him. Get it together people! I parent my child in a way that he wants to learn and grow. Yes, he is smarter than the average bear (totally biased and not ashamed btw) but I encourage that by encouraging him. I dont just let him act like a baby because he is my baby. So please people who know me and dont….stop calling my damn kid a “big boy” and implying that he’s just so grown up. He is still a baby…Im just parenting him like a person.

What do you think about this topic? leave your thoughts in the comments below.

 

*Toodles*