Ask Ashley will be a few days early, as I just got a question that relates to my post from yesterday.
Question: I loved your blog on “Freeway Theory” for dating! It definitely helped a lot. I realize that I’m definitely a person likes to “drive in the slow lane,” and I also like to use my “car signals,” to let guys know I’m interested. However, I realize that I am too passive, and feel like I may not have enough “road rage.” LOL. Basically my question is, how aggressive should a woman be if she is interested in a man? I want to be noticed, but not be too obvious about it. And is it okay, in this day and era, for a woman to hit on a man?
Answer: First, thanx for reading and subscribing. Now onto your question. I want to start off by saying that “road rage” is never the answer in relationship freeways lol. You don’t want to come off crazy and like you know better than everyone else. No one likes a pretentious as*hole type person. Doesn’t matter if you’re male or female…an as*hole is an as*hole. But I digress. Letting a guy know you’re interested is very important if you are trying to start up a romantic relationship with him. However, there is a difference between aggression and neediness…and it is a fine line to dance on.
As women we should feel liberated enough to go after what we want, especially if it’s a man.There is no rule that men have to be the aggressors and chase the woman, but society has made it into some sort of taboo for us to do that. To that idea I say, kiss my sweet sexy ass! I went after my husband and look where that got me…MARRIED! I completely support you being the one to hit on a man, as long as you do it right.
In my opinion, the right way to hit on a man is to not overthink it, not do too much, and not try and be enticing. Just be you. You don’t want to reel in a man based on a part-time characteristic. You want him to like you for you…which is who you are behind closed doors and outside. Those two versions of yourself should be one and the same. Changing yourself and your approach, will only attract the type of men who like those part-time characteristics you’re rocking. 9 times out of 10, those changes you make are not compatible with the type of man/relationship you want, so be true to yourself and you will attract the right type of man you are looking for.
Another thing you need to be careful of when approaching a man, is the amount of contact. DO NOT hit him up every time you think about him! That makes you seem lonely and desperate. A man needs to know that you have a life outside of him, so that if he’s with you, he wont be the only thing your world revolves around. (Side note: If a man wants your world to revolve around him…run for the hills because he’s batsh*t crazy, and that’s a lifetime move in the making lol) You need separation that allows you to still be an individual within your relationship. When he calls or text, there is no need to wait and answer, or play any of those trivial “dating games.” This isn’t a game you’re playing…it’s real life. I think that when a man call or texts you, you don’t have to answer right away if you’re busy or just don’t want to, but if you did there’s no harm in that. Just don’t be too pushy with the calls and texts. Space out your time, talk throughout the entire day, try to be unattached to your text feed with him. In other words…LIVE YOUR F*CKING LIFE! If you don’t hold on to who you are, you will not only lose out on a good relationship, but you will lose yourself. And at the end of the day, your relationship with yourself is what matters most.
Well I hope that I answered your question and helped you out some. Remember…being the aggressor in the relationship is OK and I totally support that! But…being beautifully you, for you, is even more important. And don’t worry…love will find its way!