Freaky Friday: Sex Evaluation

Yes I know it’s Saturaday and that I’m a day late…but I was busy yesterday and forgot to post this. Oh well…better late than never lol. Enjoy.

There has been a topic on my mind alllll week about sex. so thankfully Freaky Friday is finally here, so I can talk about it. I feel that every person, but especially women, needs to do some self-evaluations when it comes to their bedroom boom business. I’m sure that most women are now thinking that men need to step back and consider themselves more than women do…but you’re wrong! Women need to do it too, and it is more important for them to do if they are in a relationship. Let  me explain myself.

Sex is an activity, like most, that you’re either good at, or bad at. Like any activity, there are people who try hard, people who don’t try hard enough, and some who just need to quit all together. However…I feel that any woman can be the MVP of her sexlympics if she just keeps in mind the 4 S’s of Sex Evaluation. Each of these things are important to being the best you can be in bed, and if you are doing less than all 4…you really need to consider stepping your game up.

Stamina: This one is an obvious one. Without stamina, you’re gonna get tired real quick. There is nothing more boring in the bedroom, than someone who complains about needing a break to regroup because they’re tired. And on top of that, if you don’t have stamina…you are basically going to be huffing and puffing during the act. I don’t like heavy breathing in a normal non sexy moment in my day, so I surely dont want you breathing heavily on me then. No man wants a woman who literally can’t keep up in the bedroom. If you dont have the stamina to do so…you’re boring in bed…and need to get it together. The road to warm-and-tinglyville can be a rough (or a gentle) one, but there are no reststops…so be sure youre prepared for it. 

Sound: There are two ways that this can go wrong. There is the woman who is too loud, and the woman who isn’t loud enough. Now please don’t read this and think that kids are a factor in this. No. This is referring to when you and ya man are alone and can be free and freaky. Being overly loud makes it seem like your faking. It’s also hella annoying. There is really no reason to scream at the top of your lungs…the entire time. Being too loud is a quick way to get a man ready to “hurry up,” which may or may not result in you NOT getting yours. Don’t be in the show and not get your grand finale. On the flip side of this there is the woman who is too quite. That’s just f*ckin weird. Unless you have a dude who is waaaay too into the walking dead…you need to make some damn noise. If you don’t make noise, and you’re just silently enjoying yourself…your man is gonna think he’s doing something wrong. And we all know that when men think they are doing something wrong, they either try too hard (and you end up with your ovaries in your soul from the jack rabbit like pounding), or they stop trying (and you end up wondering why you didn’t just go to bed). If you are a member of either one of these extremes…get it together.

Smell: Yes that’s right smell. Now obviously you don’t want your lady lips smelling like they’ve just kissed an onion…but that isn’t what I’m talking about. (Sidenote: This is under the assumption that you know how to keep yourself clean and smelling pleasant. If not, you should seek psychiatric care, because your too damn old and grown to not know how to clean the cat…which means your bat sh*t crazy and in need of some help. But I digress.) I’m talking about the body lotions and the sprays. Ladies…please stop! You have your own natural pheromones that will release when you’re horny. You don’t need all that extra sh*t. Let your man learn what it smells like when you’re aroused. And here’s a F.F. (fun fact) for you…if you constantly douse yourself in fragrence…it kinda seems like you’re trying to hide something. Women are already a confusing species to men…don’t make it worse. However, it is ok to take a shower and use some LIGHTLY scented soap. A scent that is soft and subtle, but doesn’t overpower the scent of your own love juices. Frankly…scents are meant for the outside world…not the bedroom. If you are an abuser of the scent…get it together!

Sleep: This is the #1 most important thing on the sex-evaluation! If after you are done with sexy time, and your man DOESN’T fall to sleep IMMEDIATELY…then it’s just not good. And by it…I mean the love below. Your man should be so satisfied after sexing you up, that after the cork pops (lol…I like that euphemism), he should be sleep and snoring in no less than 2 minutes. If this doesn’t happen to you, please refer to steps 1-3 and figure out where you went wrong. It is really that simple. Good Nani = Sleep, Bad Nani = you having to entertain him afterwards or cook. Get it together ladies.

Now that you know the 4 S’s of Sex-Evaluation, please feel free to take part in the evaluation process. I’m only looking to help you and your love life. Your Welcome. LOL.

What are some things you think should be added to the Sex-Evalutation list? Let me know in the comments below.

 

*Toodles*

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