The other day I stumbled upon a website that listed “50 thing to make a marriage work.” Of course I had to go and read it, because I was curious to find out whether or not the person who wrote these 50 things was living in reality, or in batsh*t crazy land. To my non-surprise…they were living in batsh*t crazy land. Some of the things they said and suggested were just ridiculous to me, and it made me question if they were even really married. However, out of all that nonsense I read, there were three specific things that grabbed my attention. Keep reading and find out what.
I’ve only been married for 3 years (and I’m still happy), but I have been with my man for damn near 9 years. So it’s safe to say we know each other pretty well. On the website I found (I don’t know what it is, and can’t find it again, but if I do…im posting it), the number one thing to do in your marriage was “get to know your spouse.” Ummmmmm….shouldn’t we already know each other if we’re hitched? I don’t want to marry a stranger…so I didn’t. That’s why we started dating and were engaged. Gotta make sure you wanna buy the cow and not just drink the milk if ya know what I mean lol. In my opinion, it is unrealistic to imply that you don’t know your husband/wife. If that’s the case, and you really feel this way, you two should have never got married. What should have been said is “continue to learn/grow with your spouse.” If you’re married, you should already know your spouse, and now its time to continue to grow with them. Know and grow are two totally different things. One is meant for dating and the other is meant for marriage….don’t confuse the two.
Another thing that this website said is that “anger is not for marriage.” Bahahahahahahaaaa lmao lmfao lol! Who…in the history of marriage…has ever believed or agreed with that sh*t? I’ll tell you who…no one! Marriage is not a f*ckin Disney movie where all we have to do is find each other, kiss, and live happily ever after. NO! Marriage is a lot of work. I can personally attest to the fact that there are times in my marriage that I contemplate murder, because I am so mad at my husband. By no means does this mean that I don’t love him, on the contrary, it means that I love him very much…I just don’t like him in that moment. Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean that you always have to like them. When I’m mad, sometimes just the sound of him breathing makes me wanna hurl a sharp or heavy object across the room at him. That may seem extreme to some people, but to us happily married folks, we know that all of this is part of a healthy relationship. If there were never any disagreements or anger towards one another, than our entire relationship would be superficial and lacking true depth. You shouldn’t STAY mad at your spouse, but its f*cking crazy to say that you should never BE mad at them. That’s just not healthy. And besides…make-up sex is one of sexiest kinds of sex lol.
The last thing that caught my attention, was how everything seemed to revolve around the wife making the husband happy. It stated that women are to “be his cheerleader.” I agree that we should be our spouses number one cheerleader, but he should be mine too. This post was essentially making all women some subservient 1950’s housewife. I am not just going to silently cook, clean, give you the goody box, smile and be pretty. That just isn’t me, and I’m sure a lot of women would agree. Being supportive is not a one way street. Yes…men are more sensitive than women (but if you asked one he would swear up and down that’s not true lol), and they do need a bit more ego stroking than women. That’s just how they are wired. But for someone to post, and continually suggest that men are to be catered to while women are to be the caterer, is all kinds of wrong. Marriage is a team sport. There can’t be one person who is left on the sidelines cheering while the other is happy doing what they want…it just won’t work. If you are reading this portion of my post and disagreeing, good luck on your future separation or incarceration. You’re gonna snap one day soon, but be sure to mention me and this post in your episode on the I.D channel.
Those are the 3 things that bugged me the most about that post I read on a successful marriage. Frankly I hope that the author of the post is single, or institutionalized. There is no way any woman, with common sense and knowledge of self, would buy the sh*t they are trying to sell. Marriage has ups and downs…it’s only natural. You have to work through them all to stay in a good place, on the way to an even better place. If you ignore things, pretend, or only make on person in the relationship happy…you’re gonna end up unhappy and alone. It’s just not going to work out. I hate that people are allowed to give bad advice…but it makes it so much easier for me to keep it real lol.
What are some things that you have heard about “how to have marriage/relationship work” that you thought was laughable? Let me know in the comments below.