The Weekend Today: WTF Wedding

I have literally been dying to post about my weekend. So be prepared folks…this post is going to be kinda lengthy.

OK so my weekend was craaaaazy busy. There was so much to do, and I feel like I barely had anytime to do it all, but somehow I managed. To breakdown my weekend, it went like this:

  • Friday: Work, pick up the baby, go shopping for outfit for Saturday, drive 1.5hrs to parents house for weekend festivities.
  • Saturday: The wedding located on the corner of “irritation” and “bout to slap a b*tch”
  • Sunday: My babies 1st football game (49ers vs Cowboys and the damn 9ers lost), drive 2 hours back home (because we had to detour 30 minutes to get our dog).

Now…lets talk about this wedding. It was a bucket of f*ckery! As an event planner, we are in charge of making sure everything runs smoothly and effectively. We are NOT servants! But at this wedding…some of the people had me and my family allllll they way f*cked up. Here is a list of people who I ALMOST went off on and why.

Bridesmaids: GIRLS (yes girls because if you act like a child I’m gonna refer to you as one and treat you like one too) were asking me to pour them water, get them food, put on their shoes, and other frivolous bullsh*t that is not my responsibility. This wouldnt have been a probelm if the things they were asking, werent two feet in front of them, and something that they were perfectly capable of doing. And it is in bad taste to ask, “are you the one who’s…” I have a damn name and I am the one who likes to be referred to by it. Not like I am one of many feeble servants. #GirlBye Luckily, not all of the ladies were like this, but the ones who were…man did I want to flip out on them. But…in true form, I did end up informing those few rude bridesmaids that they were ACCESORIES to the bride, and therefore they are not my priority. All they needed to do was just sit/stand, smile and be pretty for the newlyweds pics. This isn’t your day. (And if youre wondering, there was some attitude corrections after this towards me.)

Wedding guests: If a wedding starts at 3, and you get there at 4…your late! There is no way around that little fact, and there is no accommodating you now. There were some late guests who insisted that they were “family” and therefore felt like they had some kind of right to do what they wanted. Ummm…no. Everyone in here claims that they are family, and personally, if you were my family and showed up late to my wedding…obviously we arent that close. I had to tell a few people that unless they have a bridesmaids dress or tux on, and your marching down the aisle in the procession…your ass can wait. Next time be here on time “family.”

The Officiant: (Insert atomic eye roll here) This hefa….I just can’t. Not only was she 45 minutes late, she seemed to think that she was more important than she was. Yes, you are marrying the couple, but any licensed person can do that. Hell we had 2 people on our event planning staff there who could have replaced you, and who were on time. So lets not let our title get to our heads. When the ceremony was done, she had the audacity to have try to veto our directions regarding the reception. Even had the nerve to make an announcement about our instructions being wrong, to which 5 minutes later the groom asked me to correct…and I did. Mind you, half of our staff was already at the reception, so the information that was given about the venue was accurate. There was no way reverend McB*tch knew anything about anything, as she was 45 minutes late. She wasn’t in control of what we had going on, and needed to stay in her lane. And I won’t even go into how she was talking sh*t about my family. I was about 2.5 seconds away from telling off, but her niece (aka one of the MOH’s/the brides sister who I like) stopped me. No one talks about my mom or aunties and think they’re gonna get away with it! But I glad to say that I didn’t turn up, for the sake of the bride and groom. She better be glad we were in the house of the Lord, and that her niece reeled me in before I cast out my attitude and hooked me a hefafish. #JesusSavedYou

The Reception Guests: Rude, rude, rude! You’re a guest at someone else’s function. You need to be happy that you are about to eat and party for free. Just because I am making sure the show runs properly, doesn’t mean I am Molly Maids, Ceely from the color purple, or Consuela from family guy. Everyone that was rude needed to get a grip. Oh and there is nothing I can do about you not liking where you’re seated. Yes I understand that you’re “family” but the bride and groom had assigned seating, so obviously they didn’t think you were special or “family” enough to sit where you thought you should. So how about you sit down, shut the hell up, and quit b*itchin about something that isn’t my fault. Ungrateful asses!

Reverend McB*tch (again!): She bought all the decorations for the wedding, but they were cheap as hell. Pretty and functional need to go hand in hand. The centerpieces were NOT meant to hold up the flowers which meant that they had to be rigged by OUR flower people so that they would at least stand up. But…there were a few that fell over, onto the guests, because they were so top-heavy. Luckily no one was hurt, but still…if this is her event (as she kept stating over and over), than she needed to makes sure the her sh*t was safe. Oh and did I mention she showed up 45 minutes late to the reception too? And changed her dress to a cream colored number that was waaaay to close to what teh bride was wearing in my opinion. But hey…it’s not my wedding that she messed up. I swear…that chick..she’s a piece of work. An ugly, bitter, piece of work.

All in all the wedding went well. We (my family and I) shielded the bride and groom from all the bullsh*t, and made sure that their day was special. There were moments when they each came to me specifically with a complaint, but I was able to smoothe everything over and work it out. Without going off on anyone…and believe you me, they deserved it. This is one Saturday that I cant get back, but definitely deserve back. Dealing with people and their inflated sense of importance, without going on a curse out spree, is waaaaaay too much to ask of one person lol. I hope none of you EVER have to go through something like this lol. 

Side note: If someone from the wedding were to read this, please take everything I said to heart. If it was you, or someone you know that I’m referring to, YOU NEED TO HEAR THE TRUTH! Politeness and courtesy are virtues EVERYONE should have, and if you don’t have them…I guarantee you that there is someone talking about you way worse than I have just now. So your Welcome.




2 thoughts on “The Weekend Today: WTF Wedding

  1. Lol you’re quickly becoming one of my favorite bloggers. Thank God my wedding was nothing like this. The only hard part of mine was when one of the groomsmen put mustard on the car handles when they decorated the ‘getaway’ car. The best man found out though and ran out to wipe it off before I had to get near it with my dress. And we had a kick ass director like you who could shut down any shenanigans with a single look haha. There probably were more issues, but to this day (2 years later), the mustard was still the biggest issue that I know about.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awwwww thanx. I’m glad you like my craziness and the way I explain it lol.

      And omg that groomsmen is lucky the mustard thing didn’t pan out. There would have been a wedding massacre over the dress lol.

      My wedding (3yrs ago) was nothing like this either. Everything went according to plan. But…ppl knew not to screw with me lol. I wasn’t a bridezilla by no means, but me mad on a regular is some serious sh*t to tango with. They didn’t wanna risk death or being maimed on my special day lol.


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