Freaky Friday: Nipple Nonsense

Does anyone else have a spouse who is obsessed with their nipples? And by obsessed I mean constantly committing the 3 p’s against them. The 3 p’S being: pinch, poke, and pull. Well here’s a little TMI for you…my husband is a Nipple Nonsense offender…and I swear there are times when I want to f*ckin gut check him when he does it. I truly think that the offender does not think of what they are doing to their spouse. So let me explain it.

Men. You know how your balls are ultra sensitive? And how you don’t want anything or anyone handling them in an aggressive or rough manner? Well that’s exactly how nipples are! Just think as nipples, and breast in general, as the same way. THEY ARE SENSITIVE! In fact, they are even more sensitive than your mansicles as they get tender all on their own…at various times of the month and life. I guarantee that if your man globes went through the hormonal shifts that our boobies go through…you wouldn’t be able to function (not that many of you can when it comes to them lol).

There is absolutely never ever ever, a reason to assault a nipple…outside of the bedroom. Yes, I specified this to an in the bedroom thing. In the bedroom, when the lights are low and the juices flow, it is perfectly OK to get a little rough with the nips. It is arousing (well to most women, but if you’re not in this majority…youre missing out and im sorry for you lol), and can kick the bedroom yoga into high gear. But if you are doing any of the pinching, poking, pulling, or biting outside of the bedroom…it is assault on the nip!

If women did to men’s love bags, what they do to our boobs….they would all die off. Why you ask? It’s because they would be too sacred to have sex with us, and therefore the procreation rate would go down drastically, and we humans as we know them would die off. All that would be left would be some strange ball and breast asexual human hybrid. So here is what I am gonna need. I need all men or anyone else with a boobie obsession, to STOP with the NIPPLE NONSENSE! That sh*t hurts like a b*tch and is only meant for the bedroom. And if you don’t stop…then every woman now has the free reign to do the same to her man’s boxer berries! You’ve been warned lol.

What are somethings that your spouse thinks is sexy but is really nonsense to you? If your bold enough, leave it in the comments below.

 

*Toodles*

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