Woman Wednesday: Relationship Absorbtion

The other day I was thinking in some spare time (aka hiding in the bathroom pretending to use it for a moment of peace lol) about relationships. If you’re a regular here, you know that I’m married. If you’re new here…well now you know lol. So my thoughts about relationships were how women are viewed. To me, it feels like there are a plethora of things that people believe about women in general, especially once you become a mom and a wife, and sometimes it can get overwhelming. I truly think that what others believe…can sometimes lead us women to partial madness and it’s not f*ckin fair! In the spirit of sharing, I will talk about the #1 thing that pisses me off, when it comes to others beliefs about women and our relationships.

Are you married or in a serious committed relationship? Do you want to be? Well please listen to what I have to say about relationships and womanhood. When you are in a relationship people automatically stop viewing you as an individual. Please note that I said you, and not Y’all. Your spouse (esp if it’s a man) is still an individual, but you somehow you morph into a part of him. I can’t say that I am sure why this is, but I can say that it is pretty damn obvious at times. The most obvious of times being when you want to make plans or you’re going out.

Going out with or without your spouse is something that everyone should do. It’s fun with them, and its fun without them, depending on the situation. And let’s be honest, we all need a break from our spouse every now and then. If you dont…your probably bat sh*t crazy and should get your head checked out lol. As a woman, have you ever noticed that when you tell someone you’re going out they either ask you one of the following things:

  • “OMG! You can come?”
  • “Is your man/woman cool with it?”
  • “Are you gonna bring them too?”
  • “How long can you stay out?”
  • “Are you sure you wanna go?”

All of these statements have one thing in common…PERMISSION!! When the f*ck did I start aging backyards and turn into a child again?! Better yet when the f*ck did my man become my mama?! The answer is I DIDN’T and he DIDN’T! I don’t need my man to be there with me, nor do I need him to greenlight ANYTHING I do! My vagina doesn’t make me weak and in need of decisions making help. It makes me mighty. Why does it make me mighty? Because the love below (aka your southern lady lips) is the only force in the world that can bleed, stretch, snapback, grow something, be strong and sexy at the same time, and entice people to wanna play with it…all without effort or complaint. #P*ssyPower

But let’s flip this scenario, and look at it as if we were a man. When your man goes out…that’s it. No one asks him anything, questions if it’s cool with you (unless your crazy and Y’all have a few problems), and it’s just assumed that all is well and ok. Wtf!?!!? How is that even remotely fair? I get questioned to no end as a woman, but as a man, my husband is just free to do as he pleases no muss no fuss. That’s some sexist double standard misogynistic f*ckery…and society has created it.

So basically in a nutshell what people are telling us, women, is that we are to allow ourselves to be absorbed into our relationships. We can’t do things without some sort of twisted permission from our partners, and if we do that we are a “good woman.” Again I say that’s bullsh*t!!!! My husband consults me on his outings just like I consult him. Neither of us is seeking permission, but rather making sure there’s someone to stay with our kid!!! It was like this before we had kids, and it’ll stay this way!

Women do not have to allow ourselves to be absorbed into our relationships so much so that other people think they need to backcheck our whereabouts. Just STOP it!!!! We were individuals before our relationships…and guess what…we will be individuals during and in some cases after our relationships. Being a couple does not and should not define who you are as a person. Yes, some women allow that or even condone it, but I feel as though it’s more so a societal norm that they are trying to satisfy, versus an actual preference. Well NOT ME! I am happy to be me just as happy as I am to be with my man, and I can do both without losing myself.

Do u agree or disagree with this post? Wanna add some thought and opinions. Feel free to leave it in the comments below.

*Huggies & Hi-Fives*

Dad’s I Just Can’t With

As a parent, you are always around other kids and more specifically other parents. Yes, it’s more common to know the kids better than the parents, due to seeing them more often at drop-off and pick-up, but you do get to know the other parents a bit. In my observation, daycare is more of a mom ran thing. By this I mean moms drops off and picks up, but dad occasionally fills in. In my personal parenting life, this situation is a bit different, as my husband and I try and share the responsibility as equally as possible. However…what I have come to realize is that my husband is of a limited breed. Some of the dads I’ve interacted with…I just can’t! I try to can…but I just can’t. Let me enlighten you on the Dad’s I Just Can’t With.

  • The Oblivious Dad: This is the dad that literally knows nothing about what’s going on with his kid. Every time he hears something pertaining to what his child either needs or is doing…he’s surprised. You tell him that his baby needs diapers, and he makes a ūüėģ (shocked) face, as though he never even thought about his child needing something so obvious. This is also the dad that forgets all the kid’s stuff…all the time. Like how in the hell do u leave the house without the diaper bag? Come on dude get it together…no one is that clueless so quit playing.
  • The Over Masculine Dad: Ever known/met one of those dad’s who constantly makes it a point to show their masculinity? If your trying to figure it out here’s an example. He’s always wearing something athletic (not for his job) and mentioning how “tough” he is/was in comparison to his child. Ummmm…WE DON’T F*CKING CARE!!!! This isn’t a competition, and frankly, if you’re trying to measure your d*ck in comparison to mine…you lost! I’m a woman and giving birth makes me tougher than you…get over it and yourself!
  • The “Career” Dad: Women work too ya twatball!!!! You are not impressive because you drive a flashy car (that’s always clean because you barely have your kid in it) or wear fancy clothes. I don’t give a sh*t about how crazy your day was and how you forgot something regarding your child because of said day. My damn day was busy too, and so was your kid’s moms! You’re not f*ckin special!!!
  • The Misogynist Dad: Don’t make me f*ckin throat punch you! This is the dad who blames all the issues his kid has on what mom “isn’t doing” or “hasn’t done.” He’s also the dad that tells you stuff like “ask your husband,” when trying to get answers or interacting with you in general. Oh and not to mention he thinks he knows it all. *insert eye roll here* Well listen up you limpd*ck sack of noodles…your lady/wife/baby mama is a SAINT for dealing with you, and you should kiss the ground she walks on. You don’t know up from down let alone how to raise or care for a child…because you are far too busy THINKING your superior to womankind in general. How about you shut your mouth and be thankful that a fellow woman warrior birthed your pathetic misogynist ass. Chump!!!
  • The Over-Parenting Dad: Dude! You are not the first person to have a kid. Other people do know things. You don’t have to do everything based on a book or a doctor. A LOT of the things that parents, before you have said, DOES work, and WON’T harm your kid. Calm your tits love. Your kid is gonna be ok if you make a mistake or 2…million lol.

Well, that’s the not so short, short list of Dad’s I Just Can’t With. I’m sure I may add to this list on the future…but for now om good with this. Any dad type you wanna add? Have a comment about one of the ones I listed? Feel free to leave it in the comments below.

*Huggies & Hi-Fives*

How Do They Do It?

So if it isn’t¬†obvious yet, I suck at posting on my blog! I just get too busy at work and at home to actually have time to sit down and write, and currently, I am 35 weeks preggo with baby¬†#2. (It’s a girl!) I truly believe that there aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do things for me, and when I do have that coveted me time…I end up doing something else that I put off. ¬†Due to this, it has me wondering some things. Not just about blogging moms…but about moms in general. Have you ever really sat back and thought about how a mom manages to do everything in a day? Well, I have and let me share my most likely familiar day (if you have little humans) with you.

6am to 8am To-Do List: 

  • Be unceremoniously¬†woken up by my son
  • Make sure he goes potty
  • Get out of bed and pick my clothes
  • Groom me¬†and get dressed
  • Do my makeup
  • Hubs gets Bubs ready for school (so that’s¬†one less thing on my list)
  • Walk around after hubs and bubs turning off all lights and electronics used during the morning routine (how many damn lights does one need to use broad freakin¬†daylight??!?!?!)
  • Go downstairs and eat a quick breakfast
  • Put together a lunch for me
  • Make sure Bubs gets daily vitamins and¬†allergy meds
  • Get son to STOP playing with toys or daddy and leave the¬†house by 7:20am
  • Drive 10-15 minutes away and drop off son
  • Spend 10 minutes at daycare saying bye to son (Why can’t u just let mommy sign-in and leave? I don’t have to wait for your little¬†routine to say bye…oh wait…I DO!)
  • Drive 10 FREEWAY minutes to work in the hopes that everyone has put on their good and courteous¬†driver hats so I don’t feel like I’m driving in a Nascar Demolition Derby Monster Jam hybrid…just to get to my f*cking job.

8(ish) am to 1pm To-Do List:

  • Work until 12pm
    • Pray there is no family or daycare emergency that I have to go take care of
  • Somehow manage to eat lunch and run miscellaneous errands, for my family, during lunch
    • This isn’t every day…but its definitely a frequent occurrence. I mean when else am I gonna have time to run errands alone so they get done quickly?
  • Get back to work within the allotted hour of my lunchtime, to finish my workday

5pm to 8:30pm To-Do List:

  • Leave work to pick up son from daycare and Tuesday and Thursday, and some Fridays,
    • My husband and I split pickup days to make it “fair,” but if he has a work or football related meeting/event I end up picking the little up.
  • Fight traffic to make it across town before 5:30, bc that, is when daycare closes.
    • I¬†ain’t trying to pay late fees
  • Spend a few minutes talking with daycare provider about sons day, and figuring out the things my husband forgot to tell me on his pickup days
    • My husband NEVER asks how our sons day was, and when he is told things pertaining to daycare happenings, somehow forgets to tell me. It’s like having an extra kid sometimes because¬†I have to go behind him and fact check/double check sh*t all the time. But I love him.
  • Drive 10-15 minutes home
  • Get Bubs out of the car and into the house
  • Immediately have Bubs use the bathroom and start making his afternoon snack
  • Serve him his afternoon snack
  • Go upstairs and wash face and put up hair
  • Come back downstairs and start dinner
    • This is on days where I get Bubs because my Hubs won’t be home until 830/9pm
  • Feed son dinner
  • Clean up sons dinner
  • Have son clean up toys
  • Give son bath and brush teeth
  • Put son in bed and say prayers

9pm to 11pm To-Do List:

  • Go back downstairs and eat my dinner with Hubs, who is now home
  • Relax for a few after eating dinner
    • Aka spend time with Hubs
  • Go upstairs and shower and do nighttime car routine
  • Get in bed
  • Possibly have some adult time
    • SEX….I mean SEX lol
  • Go to sleep

11:30pm to 12am To-Do list:

  • Wake up and turn off lights and TV left on by Hubs
  • Go back to sleep

So you see…being a mom and a wife literally leaves me NO F*CKING TIME to do anything. I spend all day doing and going for others, and the only time I get to myself is either HELLA early, or HELLA late. So this brings up the question…HOW THE F*CK DO WE MOMS DO IT? Honestly, I don’t know the answer. I’m thinking that once you have kids you get some freak ass mom gene that allows u to bend time to your advantage…but only juuuuuust enough to get by. Damn, we are miracle workers.

What is your mom day like? Is it as jam-packed and crazy as mine? Feel free to leave it, or anything else you’d like in the comments below.

 

*Huggies & Hi-Fives*

Mommy Judgement

Recently I had a¬†conversation with my friend about a mom she had seen at a store, and it got me thinking. Long story short…there was a mom at a department store with 3 kids, all under the age of 8, and appeared to be high or drunk. My homegirl said that the woman was just letting her kids run a muck and was just buying things that appeared to be nice wihtout trying them on. Now I am sure that what I am about to say is going to rub some people the wrong way, but it is what it is. My opinions are just that…MINE…and you do NOT have to agree with them. Now back to my thoughts.

Anyone on the outside looking in at this mom would most likely think that she is a horrible parent. Well, this may or may not be true, but now that I am a mom I have a completely different¬†perspective on this matter. When I was listening to my homegirl describe the woman in question….all I envisioned was a tried as f*ck mom that had had enough! She should not be judged for taking a lil¬†sip or two, or getting a lil high if she is dealing with 3lilttle humans all day every day. She deserves that escape damnit! I am sure that there are more moms than me who wished we could get high or drunk (whichever is your preference) just to pretend like we are young and in college again with only class and a phone bill as our responsibilities.¬†

Having to be responsible all day every day is f*cking exhausting. You would be weird as hell, or an alien from planet wtf, to NOT get tired of adulting and momming from time to time. However, in today’s society, mom’s get judged for being just that…TIRED. Have you ever noticed that when a man needs a “break” from parenting and goes out with the guys for drinks and shenanigans it is ok…but when mommy does it, we are being reckless? That is such bullsh*t to me. It is obviously a double standard, even if the guy is a single dad. ¬†With this double standard comes the moms like the one described earlier. She has no individual escape because she is always with her kids. Now by no means does she not love her kids…but there are times when all moms don’t like their kids and need a break. It’s the way life works….you don’t always have to like the ones you love.¬†

So basically what I am getting around to is stop judging moms for being tired! You don;t know what kind of sh*t he has had to put up with, or for how long she has been putting up with it. If she is high in a store with her kids (assuming she did not drive there), or having a drink or two while her kid play…let her live! We moms deserve our escapes, and can’t always get them sans kiddos. We gotta do what we gotta do to keep ourselves sane. As long as the kiddos aren’t being endangered in ANY WAY…I say it’s ok to have your moment. Don’t let anyone and their ideas of what a mom should and shouldn’t do stop you from having a moment to yourself. You deserve it girl!

What do you think of this post? do you agree or disagree? is there anything you want to add to it? Let me know in the comments below.

 

*Toodles*

Wife Wednesday: Support System Shutdown

Have you ever thought to yourself “damn I don’t wanna do this sh*t”? If you’re a wife or a spouse in general…I’m sure you have. Sometimes I hate having to be supportive. That’s right…I said it! And don’t¬†get judgy on me my dear because you were thinking it or have thought it! In feeling this way, I have come to realize that if we as wives/spouses were to EVER decided we were over being supportive…sh*t would get real. Here is my theory.

My husband is a JC Football coach. He does football 6 days a week. This means that I am the support system for football…for 6 days a week. This support includes but is not limited to:

  • Going to games
  • Occasionally going to practice
  • Commenting on games and practice (which means actually paying attention)
  • Dealing with him being out late on work weeks (and by late I mean 8/9pm)
  • Having to fit in “US” time around his schedule (he does film analysis at home too)
  • Having to fit in “ME” time around his schedule¬†(and yes I think that’s some f*ckery)
  • Trying to plan family things around games and practice
  • Dealing with my son constantly asking “where daddy mommy” or “I want my daddy.”

The list of things goes on and on, but those are the primary support needs of my husband and his football life.¬†I love my husband. I love football. I love that he loves coaching football. However…I do not love having to adjust my whole f*cking life around his love just so that I can be supportive! Let me tell you about my dream.

My dream is that my husband, who is very supportive of me, will be supportive of me not wanting to support him. Or better yet be, be supportive of me wanting to do things JUST FOR ME more often. Now please don’t misinterpret this as me saying my husband is selfish, he is definitely NOT that. But what I am saying is that men tend to get way more wrapped up in what they want to do, that they don’t realize their other half isn’t getting to do things for them as¬†often.I want to be able to go out with the girls on a

I want to be able to go out with the girls on short notice¬†WITHOUT having to arrange things with him or for the baby. I find that it is easier for my husband to go out and do what he wants to do at the last-minute than it is for me to do it. He just automatically assumes that I will handle everything because¬†he knows I’m his support system. To that I say bullsh*t! I am tired of being the go to and the fallback plan. I wanna be the spur of the moment one in my marriage. And I’m not asking for much. just a week to a month of me not having to worry about all the details or scheduling and just do/go. But alas… I know that probably won’t happen, as I have already set a precedent in my relationship that I am the support system. what the f*ck was I thinking? LOL

Are you the support system for your spouse? Are you tired of it? Feel free to leave why you are, or in some cases maybe aren’t, tired of it in the comments below.

 

*Toodles* 

Thinking for Two

They say women are the most confusing creatures on the planet…but I beg to differ. Men are! There are so many things that my husband, and sometimes even my dad, do that I’m just like WTF?! Due to this fun little gender quirk, I have come to realize that when dealing with men, you have to¬†Think for Two.¬†I love all the men in my life, but sometimes I feel like bashing them over the head with a common sense stick, just so we can properly communicate. I’m sure every woman that reads this blog has somehow experienced this in one way or another.

The most pressing thing about having to think for more than yourself is that you have to also be clairvoyant. Predicting the future is something that you have to master, in order to predict the outcome of what is to become of the situation you’re in. For example, today my husband called me and told me that when he got home on his lunch break, our 80lbs dog greeted him…at the sidewalk! No, we don’t live on a¬†lot of lands where our dog can roam free We live in a residential neighborhood, located in a city. So this means that our 80lb dog was sitting alone in our driveway for 4 f*cking hours. Now I know you are probably asking yourselves “what does that have to do with being clairvoyant?” well let me explain. ¬†My husband left the house AFTER I did. That means that he was the last person to have seen the dog. Now if I were clairvoyant, I could have been able to tell him to make sure the dog is INSIDE the house, and not out front. However, I can’t see into or predict the future, therefore I can ¬†NOT answer your questions about how the dog is outside…but I can tell you who did it. Logic dictates that it’s the LAST PERSON TO LEAVE THE HOUSE!!!

Some of the sh*t that happens in my life with men is mind-boggling. It is not fair that I have to make sure to think for the both of us, in order to save me some time and irritation. Speaking of irritation, that is the catch 22 of all this. As women, if we do NOT think for our men, then they get mad when some sh*t they wanna do doesn’t work out. How can you get mad at me for something you did or didn’t¬†do? Makes no f*cking sense. Or on the other hand, if we DO help them, and somehow it doesn’t¬†go right or not how they THOUGHT it would go…they still get mad. I swear it’s the biggest crock of bullsh*t ever.¬†

Well, that is my little rant for the time being. Just had to get that off my chest. What are your thoughts on the Thinking For Two concept? Let me know in the comments below. 

 

*Toodles*

Ailments of Working Wife/Mom

Below you will find a list of some of the ailments I have as a working wife and mom. I’m sure some of you other mamas, and maybe some dads, have these too. Enjoy.

  • Zombieidis: This is when you are so tired and physically exhausted, but somehow manage to still be alive and functioning. Many moms experience this when at work or at the store. If you’ve aver asked yourself “how the f*ck did I get here” or “what the hell was I doing again?,” you have suffered from Zombieidis.
  • Cleanupitis: We’ve all been there before. When you’ve cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned again but somehow the house is still a mess. I know your probably thinking this has something to do with obsessively cleaning…and you would be wrong. Cleanupitis is when you are so f*cking fed up with cleaning…that you completely stop giving a sh*t what your house looks like. It is a chronic disease which can lead to fights, tears, sadness, and the potential arson investigation…as you would rather burn down your house then pick up after one more f*cking person.
  • Cuisineaphobia: Do you really have to eat to survive? Better yet do you really have to cook your own food every night to survive. Sadly…you do, esp if you don’t want to go broke eating out. Cuisineaphobia is the fear of having to figure out what to cook…every time you cook. It is hard enough having to stand in front of the stove to cook, but add that to having to clean, work, and still suffering from zombieidis…you my dear are in a horrible situation. You will most likely end up making spaghetti, tacos, or telling everyone in your house that you’re not feeling well and go to bed hungry.
  • Travelphobia: Why do I have to pack so much sh*t to make one trip? Do I really even need all this? Yes, I need all this “just in case.” This is a conversation every parent and woman has had with themselves when it comes time to travel. You get so paranoid that you’re going to leave something that you MAY need, that you leave something that you DO need. Don’t believe me…think about your last trip. You had everything you THOUGHT you needed and forgot one of these items:
    • Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Deodorant, Razor, or Soap (I know I’m right and that it’s happened to you at least once lol)

There will be more Ailments coming in future posts. Stay tuned…and feel free to comment, like, or share.

*Toodles*